We also ran the simulation using a faster distribution of request times. If you use a Weibull distribution with shape = 0.8 and scale = 79.06, you this distribution of request times:

Here is what the simulations look like with these faster requests:

Naive Dynos

Intelligent Dynos

and a table of results:

So when the requests are faster, you only need 30 intelligent dynos to keep up, but 30 naive dynos still results in 44% of requests getting queued

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Classic corporate retreat moment at the end where the audience has no idea how to react, which somehow results in a half-hearted standing O

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If “higher standards” involve attempting to foreclose on people who don’t even have mortgages, then I’d hate to see what lower standards are…

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In 2010, Bank of America, along with several other large banks, was forced to freeze all home foreclosures amidst concerns that banks were falsifying data in order to speed the foreclosure process. Ultimately Bank of America agreed to pay billions of dollars to settle claims of misdoing, but as of 2012 the matter has not been entirely resolved

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Bank of America’s stock price since the MBNA merger was completed:

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A reference Capital One’s longtime “What’s in your wallet?” ad campaign. As of 2005, the large television in the lobby of Capital One’s offices in McLean, Virginia played a non-stop loop of the ads featuring David Spade

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Mv3M-XotQkQ

In a poetic twist of fate, Ethan Chandler now works for Capital One

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Bank One merged with JPMorgan Chase in 2004. JPMorgan, while also representative of the banking excesses of the past 30 years, has generally fared better than Bank of America throughout the crisis, although that’s mostly due to Bank of America’s Countrywide debacle, not credit cards

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Ms. Shepherd also “retired” in 2008, despite being only 42 years old, strongly suggesting that she was forced out during a period of crisis.

And according to her bio, she was the head of the entire East Division, all the way south to Florida, but we’ll forgive Chandler for that oversight since “She’s leading the team in the Northeast” is probably the best rhyme in the history of music

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Bruce Hammonds was the CEO of MBNA. He “retired” in December 2008, right around the peak of the financial crisis, presumably to “spend more time with his family.”

Speaking of family though, they’ll be fine: Hammonds was awarded compensation and benefits in excess of $22 million when he retired

Hammonds’s political donation history, spread evenly among Republicans and Democrats, is emblematic of the deeply entwined nature of politics and finance in the United States

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Does anyone seriously get a credit card because he can choose what picture goes on the thing?

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