This is my favorite text of all time. I remember where I was sitting (in a Caribou Coffee, against the wall, to the left of the merch case, facing the back of the store) on August 4 or 7, 2009 when this text was sent in to TFLN. I posted it immediately. I knew it was going to blow people’s minds. It did. “Simba” was the #1 search term on the site for years (unsure if it is still now).

My only wish would be that afterwards he lifted her over his balcony while all his friends bowed below.

My dream is to ride a police horse. I have this text hanging above my bed, it’s my mantra every day. Someday I’ll do it, and when that day comes, I’ll be totally wasted.

This text is a bit too reminiscent of the infamous Colby thread on Reddit. A man discovers his son was sexually abusing the family dog. Tells wife. Wife kicks him out, son stays. It’s one of the worst things I’ve ever read but if you want to fall down the rabbit hole, go ahead. http://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/zw3j9/i_am_the_fatherredditor_who_lost_his_family_after/