Gaius Petronius – Satyricon (Part Two)

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Not a star appear'd to direct us in our way, nor would the dead of the
Night give us hopes of meeting a stranger that could; with these, the
Wine we had drank, and our ignorance of the place, even in the day
Time, conspir'd to mis-direct us. When we had wander'd almost an
Hour, with our feet all bloody, over sharp pebbles and broken hills of
Gravel, Gito's diligence at last deliver'd us: for the day before
Fearing we might be at a loss, tho' we had the sun to our help, he had
Providently mark'd every post and pillar with a chalk, the greatest
Darkness was not able to obscure, by whose shineing whiteness we found
Our way. But we had as many fears after we got to an inn; for the
Hostess, having drank a little too long with her guests, had so
Intirely lost her senses, a burning could not have made her feel; that
Perhaps, we had been forc'd to have taken up our lodging in the
Street, if a letter-carrier that belong'd to Trimalchio, with ten
Carriages of his master's revenue, had not come in the mean time; who
Without much ado beat down the door, and let us in at the same gap

After we enter'd the bed-chamber, having plentifully feasted; prest by
Impatient nature, I took my Gito aside; and wrapt in pleasures, spent
The night

Who can the charms of that blest night declare
How soft ye gods! our warm embraces were?
We hugg'd, we cling'd, and thro' each other's lips
Our souls, like meeting streams, together mixt;
Farewell the world, and all its pageantry!
When I, a mortal! so begin to dye

'Tis without reason I hug myself; Ascyltos, omnis iniuriae inventor
Subduxit mihi nocte puerum et in lectum transtulit suum, volutatusque
Liberius cum fratre non suo, sive non sentiente iniuriam sive
Dissimulante, indormivit alienis amplexibus oblitus iuris humani
Itaque ego ut experrectus pertrectavi gaudio despoliatum torum. Si
Qua est amantibus fides, ego dubitavi, an utrumque traicerem gladio
Somnumque morti iungerem. Tutius dein secutus consilium Gitona quidem
Verberibus excitavi, and looking as sternly as I cou'd upon Ascyltos
Thus address'd my self: "Since you've play'd the villain by your
Treachery, and breaking the common laws of friendship, pack up your
Matters quickly, and find another comrade to abuse."

Ascyltos consented; and, after we had made an exact division of our
Booty; "Now," says he, "let's share the boy too": I believ'd it a jest
At parting, but, he with a murderous resolution, drew his sword; "nor
Shall you," added he, "think to ingross this prize, which should, like
The rest, be common to us both. I must have my share, or with this
Sword will be content to take it." Upon which, on the other side
Having twisted my gown under my arm, I made advances to ingage

The unhappy boy rush'd between, and kissing both our knees, with
Tears, entreated that we would not expose our selves in a pitiful
Alehouse, nor with our blood pollute the rites of so dear a
Friendship: but, raising his voice, says he, "if there must be murder
Behold my naked bosom, hither direct your fury: 'Tis I deserve death
Who violated the sacred laws of friendship."

Upon which we sheath'd our swords; and first Ascyltos, "I'll," says
He, "end the difference: Let the boy himself follow the man he likes
That, in chusing a friend, at least, he may have an unquestion'd
Liberty."

I, that presum'd so long an acquaintance, had made no slight
Impressions on his nature, was so far from fearing, that with an eager
Haste I accepted the proffer, and to the judge committed the dispute:
Gito, that he might not seem to consider, at my consent jump'd up, and
Chose Ascyltos

I, like one thunderstruck, at the sentence, void of defence, fell upon
The bed, and had not surviv'd the loss, if envy of my rival had not
Stopp'd my sword

Ascyltos, proud of the conquest, goes off with the prize, leaving me
Expos'd in a strange place, that before he caress'd as a friend and
Sharer of his fortune:

'Tis in the world, as in a game of chess;
We serve our friends but where our profit is
When fortune smiles, we're yours, and yours alone;
But when she frowns, the servile herd are gone
So, in a play, they act with mimick art
Father, or son, or griping miser's part:
But when at last the comic scenes are o'er
They quit the visards they assum'd before

Nor did I there very long complain, for fearing one Menelaus, an usher
Of a school, might, among other misfortunes, find me alone in the inn
I made up my wallet, and, very pensive, took me a lodging in a private
Place near the sea: there, after I had been mewd up for three days
Reflecting afresh on my despis'd and abject condition, I beat my
Breast, as sick as it was; and, when my deep sighs would suffer me
Often cry'd out; "Why has not the earth burst open, and swallow'd me?
Why has not the sea o'erwhelm'd me that respects not even the innocent
Themselves? Have I been a murderer? when I had violated Lycas's wife
Have I fled justice? have I escap'd even when I was condemn'd to dye
To live in a strange place, to have my name recorded only among
Beggars and vagabonds? and who condemn'd me to this solitude?--A boy!
One who is a prostitute to all manner of lust; and by his own
Confession deserves to dye; whom vice has enobl'd from a slave; who
Was publickly contracted with as a girl, by one that knew he was of
The other sex: and what a wretch is that other, ye gods! whom, when he
Might have writ man, his mother perswaded even out of his sex, and
Putting on petty-coats, was condemn'd to a maids office in a prison:
Who, after he had spent what he had, and chang'd the scene of his
Lust; having contracted an old friendship, basely left it; and
Frontless impudence! like a hot whore, for one night's pleasure, sold
His friend. Now the lovers lye whole nights lockt in each other's
Arms, and who knows but in those intervals they recruit their weary'd
Strength, may laugh at me: but they shan't go off so, for if I'm a
Man, or a free-born one at least, I'll make their blood compensate the
Injury."

Having thus said I girt on my sword; and lest I shou'd be too weak to
Maintain the war, encourag'd my self with a lusty meal, and making out
Of doors, like one possesst, search'd every place: but whilst, with a
Wild distracted countenance, I thought of nothing but blood and
Slaughter; and oft with execrations laying my hand on my sword, a
Souldier, perhaps some cheat or padder, observ'd me, and making up to
Me, askt to what regiment or company I, his brother souldier
Belong'd? when, with a good assurance, I had cheated him into a belief
Of the regiment and company; well, but friend, said he, looking down
Doe the souldiers of your company walk in such shoes? I began to look
Guilty, and by my trembling discover'd the lye I had told him: upon
Which he made me lay down my arms, and bid me take care of the worst
Thus stript, nay and thus rob'd of my revenge, I return'd to my
Lodging, where by degrees my fears abating, I began in my mind to
Thank the robber

But finding it difficult to wean my self from the love of revenge, I
Spent half the night very pensively; and rising by day-break, to ease
Me of my grief, and thoughts of my injury, I rov'd about every where
Till at last going in to a publick gallery, very wonderful for several
Sorts of excellent painting; I saw some by Zeuxy's hand, that had not
Yet yielded to the injuries of time: And, not without an awful
Reverence, behold others by Protogenes, which tho' they were first
Tryals, yet disputed for exactness, even with nature it self: but on
The other side viewing a celebrated piece drawn by Apelles; I even
Ador'd the work of so great a master: 'twas so correctly finisht to
The life, you'd have sworn it an image of the soul too. One side gave
The story of the eagle bearing Jupiter to heaven, the other the fair
Hylas repelling the addresses of the lew'd naiad: in another part was
Apollo, angry at himself for killing his boy Hyacinth; and, to shew
His love, crown'd his harp with the flower that sprung from his blood

In this gallery, as in a vision of living images, I cry'd out; and are
Not the gods themselves secure from love? Jupiter in his seraglio
Above, not finding one that can please his appetite, sins upon earth
Yet injures nobody: the nymph wou'd have stifl'd her passion for
Hylas, had she believ'd the lusty Hercules wou'd have been his rival:
Apollo turns Hyacinth into a flower: and every image enjoy'd its
Wishes without a rival: but I have caress'd, as the dearest friend
The greatest villain

While I was thus talking to my self, there enter'd the gallery an old
Man, with a face as pale as age had made his hair; and seem'd, I know
Not how, to bring with him the air of a great soul; but viewing his
Habit, I was easily confirm'd in my opinion, since fortune seldom
Deals favourably with learned men. In short, he made up to me, and
Addressing himself, told me he was a poet; and, as he hop'd, above the
Common herd: if, added he, my merrit don't suffer by applause that's
Promiscuously given, to the good and bad

Why, therefore, interrupted I, are you so meanly clad? On this
Account return'd he, because learning never made any man rich

The merchant's profit well rewards his toil:
The souldier crowns his labours with the spoil:
To servile flattery we altars raise:
And the kind wife her stallion ever pays:
But starving wit in rags takes barren pain:
And, dying, seeks the muses aid in vain

"'Tis certain," added he, "that a lover of virtue, on account of his
Singularity, meets with contempt; for who can approve what differs
From himself? And that those who admire riches, wou'd fain possess
Every body, that nothing is more reasonable than their opinion; whence
They ridicule, as well as they can, the learned few; that they, like
Themselves, might seem within the power of money."

"I don't know, how learning and poverty became relations," said I, and
Sigh'd: "You justly lament," return'd he, "the condition of scholars."

"You mistake me," said I, "that's not the occasion of my sighs
There's another and much greater cause:" And, as all men are naturally
Inclin'd to communicate their grief; I laid open my case to him
Beginning with Ascyltos's treachery, which I aggravated; and, with
Repeated sighs, often wisht his injustice to me might have deserv'd
Pardon: but that now he was a staunch villain, and in lust more subtle
Than the bawds themselves

The old man, seeing me sincere, began to comfort me; and the better to
Effect it, told me what formerly had happen'd to himself on the like
Occasion

"In Asiam cum a quaestore essem stipendio eductus, hospitium Pergami
Accepi. Ubi cum libenter habitarem non solum propter cultum
Aedicularum, sed etiam propter hospitis formosissimum filium
Excogitavi rationem, qua non essem patri familiae suspectus amator
Quotiescunque enim in convivio de usu formosorum mentio facta est, tam
Vehementer excandui, tam severa tristitia violari aures meas obsceno
Sermone nolui, ut me mater praecipue tanquam unum ex philosophis
Intueretur. Iam ego coeperam ephebum in gymnasium deducere, ego
Studia eius ordinare, ego docere ac praecipere, ne quis praedator
Corporis admitteretur in domum. . .

"Forte cum in triclinio iaceremus, quia dies sollemnis ludum artaverat
Pigritiamque recedendi imposuerat hilaritas longior, fere circa mediam
Noctem intellexi puerum vigilare. Itaque timidissimo murmure votum
Feci et 'domina' inquam 'Venus, si ego hunc puerum basiavero, ita ut
Ille non sensiat, cras illi par columbarum donabo.' Audito voluptatis
Pretio puer stertere coepit. Itaque aggressus simulantem aliquot
Basiolis invasi. Contentus hoc principio bene mane surrexi electumque
Par columbarum attuli expectanti ac me voto exsolvi

"Proxima nocte cum idem liceret, mutavi optionem et 'si hunc' inquam
'tractavero improba manu, et ille non senserit, gallos gallinaceos
Pugnacissimos duos donabo patienti.' Ad hoc votum ephebus ultro se
Admovit et, puto, vereri coepit, ne ego obdormiscerem. Indulsi ergo
Sollicito, totoque corpore citra summam voluptatem nne ingurgitavi
Deinde ut dies venit, attuli gaudenti quicquid promiseram. Ut tertia
Nox licentiam dedit, consurrexi . . . ad aurem male dormientis 'dii'
Inquam 'immortales, si ego huic dormienti abstulero coitum plenum et
Optabilem, pro hac felicitate cras puero asturconem. Macedonicum
Optimum donabo, cum hac tamen exceptione, si ille non senserit.'
Nunquam altiore somno ephebus obdormivit. Itaque primum implevi
Lacentibus papillis manus, mox basio inhaesi, deinde in unum omnia
Vota coniunxi. Mane sedere in cubiculo coepit atque expectare
Consuetudinem meam. Scis quanto facilius sit, columbas gallosque
Gallinaceos emere quam asturconem, et praeter hoc etiam timebam, ne
Tam grande munus suspectam faceret humanitatem meam. Ego aliquot
Horis spatiatus in hospitium reverti nihilque aliud quam puerum
Basiavi. At ille circumspiciens ut cervicem meam iunxit amplexu
'rogo' inquit 'domine, ubi est asturco?'

"Cum ob hanc offensam praeclusissem mihi aditum, quem feceram, iterum
Ad licentiam redii. Interpositis enim paucis diebus, cum similis
Casus nos in eandem fortunam rettulisset, ut intellexi stertere
Patrem, rogare coepi ephebum, ut reverteretur in gratiam mecum, id est
Ut pateretur satis fieri sibi, et cetera quae libido distenta dictat
At ille plane iratus nihil aliud dicebat nisi hoc: 'aut dormi, aut ego
Iam dicam patri.' Nihil est tam arduum, quod non improbitas
Extorqueat. Dum dicit: 'patrem excitabo,' irrepsi tamen et male
Repugnanti gaudium extorsi. At ille non indelectatus nequitia mea
Postquam diu questus est deceptum se et derisum traductumque inter
Condiscipulos, quibus iactasset censum meum, 'videris tamen' inquit
'non ero tui similis. Si quid vis, fac iterum.' Ego vero deposita
Omni offensa cum puero in gratiam redii ususque beneficio eius in
Somnum delapsus sum. Sed non fuit contentus iteratione ephebus planae
Maturitatis et annis ad patiendum gestientibus. Itaque excitavit me
Sopitum et 'numquid vis?' inquit. Et non plane iam molestum erat
Munus. Utcunque igitur inter anhelitus sudoresque tritus, quod
Voluerat, accepit, rursusque in somnum decidi gaudio lassus
Interposita minus hora pungere me manu coepit et dicere: 'quare non
Facimus?' tum ego totiens excitatus plane vehementer excandui et
Reddidi illi voces suas: 'aut dormi, aut ego iam patri dicam.'"

This discourse diverting my grief, I began to question the old
Gentleman about the antiquity of some pieces, the stories of others I
Was not acquainted with, the reason why this age don't come up to the
Former, and why the most excellent arts are lost, of which painting
Has not left the least sign of its being? "Our love of riches,"
Reply'd he, "has been the only occasion: for in old time, when virtue
Was admir'd for its own sake, all liberal arts flourisht, and the only
Emulation among men, was to make discoveries that might profit the
Age. 'Twas in those times Democritus, content with poverty, found out
The vertue of most herbs; and lest there might be any hidden
Excellence in stones and trees, spent the rest of his life in
Experiments about them: 'Twas then Eudoxus abandon'd the world, to
Live on the top of a high mountain, to discover the motions of the
Heavens and Crisippus, the better to qualify his mind for invention
Went thrice through a course of physick

"But to return to imagery, Lysippus with that diligence imploy'd
Himself about one statue, that, neglecting his living, he dyed, for
Want: and Myron, whose brazen images of men and beasts, you might have
Mistaken for living ones, dy'd very poor: but our age is so wholly
Devoted to drinking and whoring, we're so far from inventing, that we
Don't acquaint our selves even with those arts that are found to our
Hands: But, accusing antiquity, our schools become seminaries of vice
Only: what's our logick? How little do we know of astronomy? Where's
Our philosopher? What master of eloquence could indure to hear it so
Murdred in a pulpit? What wise man cou'd suffer the noise? Our
Business in the temple is not to inform our minds, or correct our
Lives; but as soon as we enter the place, one out of love to his
Friend, being made his heir, promises a sacrifice to the gods, if
They'd please to take him out of this troublesome world; another, if
They'd direct him to a treasure: the like a third promises if they'd
Make him happy in a small estate of 300l. per an. or so: The very
Senate that shou'd show an exemplary conduct, in occasions of doubtful
Events, have devoted mighty sums of gold to religious uses: And who
Wou'd not but admire, that, he is perswaded hath charms enough to make
The gods themselves comply! You need not wonder why painting is lost
When gold appears more beautiful both to gods and men, than any thing
Apelles or Phidias are now esteem'd madly to have spent their time
About: But seeing your curiosity is wholly taken up with that piece
That shews you a contracted history of the Siege of Troy: I'll try to
Give you the story more at large in verse

"Now Troy had felt a siege of ten long years
Concern and sorrow in each face appears:
The Grecian prophet too, with terrour fill'd
What fate decree'd, but doubtfully reveal'd:
When thus Apollo----
From the proud top of Ida's rising hill
A lofty pile of mighty cedars fell
Whose trunks into a dreadful fabrick force
And, let it bear the figure of a horse:
The spacious hollows, of whose mountain-womb
The choice and flower of your troops entomb
The Greeks, enrag'd to be so long repell'd
With their chief troops the beasts vast bowel's fill'd
And thus their arms and all their hopes conceal'd
Strange was the fate the rul'd unhappy Troy
Who thought them gone, and lasting peace t'enjoy
So the inscription of the machine said
And treacherous Synon, for their ruin made
All from their arms at once, and troubles run
To view the horse, and left th' unguarded town
So over-joy'd they wept: Thus even fears
When joy surprizes, melt away in tears
Enrag'd Laocoon, with prophetick beat
Prest thro' the crowd, that on his humour wait;
And with a javelin pierc'd the fatal horse
But fate retards the blow, and stopt its force:
The spear jumpt back upon the priest, so nigh
It gave new credit to the treachery
Yet to confirm how weak was the attempt
'Gainst what the gods will have, his javelin sent
Resum'd with double fury, thro' his side
And the large concave of the machine try'd:
When from within the captive Grecians roar;
And the beast trembles with another's fear
Yet to the town the present they convey
Thus a new stragem does Troy betray;
While to the taken, she becomes a prey
But other monsters there enform our eyes
What mighty seas from Teuedos arise!
The frighted Neptune seems to seek the shore
With such a noise, with such a dreadful roar:
As in a silent night, when, from afar
The dismal sound of wrecks invades the ear:
When rolling on the waves two mighty snakes
Unhappy Troy descry'd; whose circling stroaks
Had drove the swelling surges on the rocks
Like lofty ships they on the billows ride
And with rais'd breasts the foaming flood divide:
Their crests they brandish and red eye-balls raise
That all around dispence a sulphurous blaze
To shore advancing, now the waves appear
All fire; unwonted ratlings fill the air
The ocean trembles at their dreadful hiss;
All are amaz'd: When in a Trojan dress;
And holy wreaths their sacred temples bind
Laocoon's sons were by the snakes entwin'd:
Now t'wards heaven their little hands are thrown
Each for his brother, not himself does moan
And prays to save his ruin by his own
Both dye at last, thro' fear each other shou'd
And to give death a greater pomp, the good
Laocoon to their rescue vainly run
Now gorg'd with death, they drag him on the ground
Up to the altar, where devoted lies
The priest himself, a panting sacrifice
Thus with his blood the temple they prophane;
Losing their gods; Troy's ruin thus began:
Now the bright taper of the night appears
Gayly attended with a train of stars:
When midst the Trojans, dead in sleep and wine
The Grecians execute their dire design:
When from the open'd caverns of the horse
Like a large flood, their hidden troops did gush;
And now deliver'd, leave their horse and fear
With the same wanton motions colts appear:
When from the plow, and heavy collar freed
They shake their rising crests, and try their speed
Their swords they brandish, and their shields they rear
And fix their helmets, then begin the war:
A party here o' th' drunken Trojans light
And send them snoring to eternal night;
Another there now made their altars smoke
And against Troy, Troy's guardian gods invoke."

When Eumolpus had gone thus far in his story, the people that were
Walking there, began to fling stones at him: But he, conscious of his
Merit, cover'd his head, and took up his heels: I, fearing they wou'd
Have taken me for a poet too, made after him: When we were out of
Stone shot of the enemy, "I beseech you, sir," said I, "what will you
Do with this disease of yours? I don't wonder at the peoples humour
Since I have hardly been acquainted with you two hours, and your
Entertainment has been more poetry than the conversation of a man. I
Think I must fill my pocket with stones, that when I perceive you
Going into a fit, I may bleed you in the head for it, with one of
'em."

He turn'd to me, and, "Dear child," said he, "I rose to day without
Consulting my fortune; tho' 'tis confest I seldom appear even on the
Stage, but such a mobb as this are laughing at me: But that I may not
Be at difference with you too, I'll tye my self up from this humour of
Poetry:" "Well, well," said I, "on that condition I sup with you;"
Upon which, going into the poor cottage I lodg'd at, we order'd the
Master of it to get us a supper, and in the mean time we went to the
Bagnio, where I saw Gito standing against the wall, with towels and
Rubbing brushes in his hand; his troubl'd countenance easily perswaded
Me he serv'd on compulsion: As soon as he saw me, with joy addressing
Himself, he told me, that since I was not in that martial posture that
Once frighted him to belye his affections, he cou'd freely speak to
Me, upon which he entreated me to pity his circumstances; and, if I
Cou'd but deliver him from so barbarous a master, since he was now
Sorry he was forc'd to be my judge, I might take my satisfaction in
Any punishment I'de please to inflict; "for," added he, "if I must
Dye, 'twill be comfort enough to so unhappy a wretch to think that you
Are pleas'd in 't."

I desir'd him wave his complaints, lest our design shou'd be
Discover'd, and leaving Eumolpus (for in the bath he was versifying)
We made off thro' a dirty back-entry, as privately as we could to my
Lodgings: Where, shutting the door, I threw my arms about his neck
And, tho, he was all in tears, half smother'd him with kisses: Thus we
Continu'd without a word from either side: Gito's repeated sobs so
Disturb'd him, he could not speak: When after a long time spent in
That posture, "how unaccountable is it," began I, "to love him that
Once forsook me! And that in this breast I shou'd feel so great a
Wound, yet have no sign of its being there! what's you' pretence for
Chusing Ascyltos? Have I deserv'd such usage?"

After he found I still had love for him, he began to look less
Concerned: "When," added I, "I'm so far from desireing an umpire to
Judge of th' ingratitude of your choice, that I neither complain of
Or design to remember it; if I find you sincere."

I cou'd not tell him this without a tear: When, wiping his face, says
He, "Encolpius, I appeal to your memory, whether I left, you, or you
Betray'd me. I must confess, and hope you can't blame me; when I saw
Two at daggers-drawing, that I ran to the strongest."

I cou'd not but admire his wit, and to convince him of a perfect
Reconciliation, sealed it with repeated kisses

'Twas now quite dark, and our supper was dishing up, when Eumolpus
Knock'd at the door: I ask'd how many there was of 'em: And took an
Opportunity through a chink, to see whether Ascyltos was with him: But
Finding him alone, I soon open'd the door: He had hardly fixt himself
On his couch, when seeing Gito in waiting, "on my word," said he, "a
Very Gannymed; sure Encolpius, you'll have no reason to complain to
Day."

I did not like to observing an entry; and was afraid I had entertain'd
Another Ascyltos. Eumolpus pursuing his humour, when the boy fill'd
Him a glass, "I had rather," said he, "be in possession of thee, than
The whole bagnio"; and greedily drinking it off, "the heat I've been
In," added he, "made this the pleasantest draught I ever took: For to
Deal freely with ye, I narrowly scap'd a beating, for attempting, when
I was in the bath, to deliver my thoughts of it in verse: And after I
Was turn'd out of the bagnio, as I us'd to be out of the theatre; I
Search'd every place, crying as loud as I cou'd, 'Encolpius
Encolpius.' A naked youth that had lost his cloaths, as strongly
Echo'd back to me, 'Gito, Gito': The boys, believing me mad, ridicul'd
Me with their mimikry: But the other was attended with a great
Concourse of people, that with an awful admiration prais'd the youth:
For nature had so largely qualify'd him for a lover, his body seem'd
But as the skirt of the mighty member it bore: A lusty rogue! I'll
Warrant, he'd maintain the field four and twenty hours! He therefore
Soon found relief, for some debauch'd spark, a Roman knight, as was
Reported, flung his cloak over him, and took him home, with hopes, I
Presume to engross so great a prize: But I was so far from meeting
Such civility, that even my own cloaths were kept from me, till I
Brought one that knew me, to satisfie 'em in my character: So much
More profitable 'tis to improve the body than the mind."

Whilst Eumolpus was telling his story, I often chang'd countenance:
Looking glad at the ill fortune of my rival, but troubled at his good:
Yet did not interrupt him, lest he shou'd discover my concern: and
When he had done, I told him what we had for supper

I had hardly given him an account, e're our entertainment came in:
'Twas common homely food, but very nourishing: Our half starv'd doctor
Attacqu'd it very briskly, but when he had well fill'd himself, began
To tell us, philosophers were above the world, and to ridicule those
That condemn every thing, because 'tis common, and only to admire
Those things that are difficult to be had: "These vicious appetites,"
Added he, "that despise what they can cheaply come by, never taste any
Thing pure, but, like sick men, love only those things that are
Hurtful to 'em

"What's soon obtain'd, we nauseously receive
All hate the victory that's got with leave:
We scorn the good our happy isle brings forth
But love whatever is of foreign growth:
Not that the fish that distant waters feed
Do those excel that in our climate breed;
But these are cheaply taken, those came far
With difficulty got, and cost us dear:
Thus the kind she, abroad, we admire above
Th' insipid lump, at home of lawful love:
Yet once enjoy'd, we strait a new desire
And absent pleasures only do admire."

"Is this," said I, interrupting him, "what you promis'd, that you
Wou'd not versifie to day agen? I beseech you, sir, at least spare us
That never pelted you: For if any of the inn shou'd find we have a
Poet in our company, the whole neighbourhood wou'd be rais'd, and we
Shou'd dye martyrs for a wrong opinion: If nothing else will make you
Pity us, think of the galery and bath you came from": when I had
Treated him after this rate, the good natur'd Gito, correcting me
Said, I did very ill to rail at a man so much my elder; and that
Having offer'd a gentleman the curtsie of my table, I shou'd not so
Far forget good breeding, to affront him when he came: With many the
Like expressions, attended with a blush at their delivery, that
Extreamly became him

"Happy the woman," said Eumolpus, "that's blest with such a son!
Heaven encrease your virtue: so much sense, and so much beauty we
Seldom meet with in any one person: But, lest you shou'd think your
Civility thrown away, you have found a lover for it: I'll give the
World your praises in verse: I'll be your servant, your gardian, and
Will follow you every where: Nor can Encolpius think himself injur'd
He loves another."

Eumolpus was oblig'd to the souldier that robb'd me of my sword, else
I had turn'd the fury upon him I meant for Ascyltos: Gito reading it
In my countenance, under pretence of fetching water, prudently
Withdrew: And allay'd my heat, by removing one cause of it: But my
Rage reviving, "Eumolpus," said I, "I had rather have heard even your
Verses, that you propose to your self such hopes: I am very
Passionate, and you are very lustful: Consider how improbable 'tis we
Shou'd agree; believe therefore I am mad, and humour the phrenzy; that
Is, be gone immediately."

At this Eumolpus was in great confusion, and, without asking the
Occasion of my passion, presently made out: But drawing the door after
Him, what I did not in the least suspect, he lock'd me in, and
Stealing the key out of the door, ran in pursuit of Gito

The rage I was in to be so abus'd, put me upon hanging my self; and
Having ty'd an apron, I found in the room, to the bed-stead, committed
My neck to the noose I had made with its strings: When Eumolpus and
Gito came to the door, and entering, prevented my design: Gito, his
Grief growing to a rage, made a great out-cry, and forcing me on the
Bed, "You're mistaken," said he, "Encolpius, if you fancy it possible
For you to dye before me: I was first in the design, and had not
Surviv'd my choice of Ascyltos; if I had met with an instrument of
Death: But had not you come to my relief in the bath, I had resolv'd
To throw my self out of the window: And that you may know how ready
Death is to wait those that desire it: see--I've got what you so
Lately endeavour'd."

Upon which, having snatch'd a rasor from Eumolpus's servant, he struck
Three or four times 't his throat, and fell down before us: frightened
At the accident, I cry'd out, and falling upon him e're he had reached
The ground, with the same weapon, endeavoured to follow him: But
Neither had Gito any appearance of a wound, nor did I feel my self
Hurt: For it happen'd to be a dull rasor, design'dly made so, to
Prepare learners of the art to handle a sharper which was the reason
Eumolpus did not offer to prevent our mimick deaths, nor his man look
Concern'd when the rasor was snatch'd from him

While this scene was acting, the inn-keeper came in upon us, with the
Other part of our supper; and viewing the obscene posture we were in
"I beseech you, sirs," said he, "are ye drunk, or have fled justice
And are acting it on your selves, or both? ho! who was going to make a
Gibet of the bed? What private designs are here on foot? What--was
Your going out but now with intent to bilke me? But you shall feel
Fo't: I'll soon make ye know who rules here."

"What, you rascal," crys Eumolpus, "do you threat too?" And without
More ado flung his fist in his face: The inn-keeper took up an earthen
Pitcher we so oft had empty'd, and sending it at Eumolpus, broke his
Forehead, and immediately ran down stairs: Eumolpus, impatient of
Revenge, snatching up a great wooden candlestick, made after him; and
Pouring his blows very thick on the inn-keeper, repair'd the injury
With interest: This alarm'd the whole house, and whilst the rest of
His guess, that by this time were most of 'em drunk; ran to see what
Was the matter, taking an opportunity to revenge the injury Eumolpus
Had offer'd me, I lock'd him out; and turning thus his trick upon
Himself, at once, enjoy'd the bed and board without a rival

In the mean time, the islanders (that came in at the bustle) and cooks
With all their kitchin artillery set upon Eumolpus: One throws at his
Head a hot spit with the meat on't; another with a pitchfork puts
Himself in a martial posture against him; but especially a blear-ey'd
Old woman, who tucking up the dirty apron she had about her, with one
Shoe on, and another off, hall'd a great mastiff and set him at
Eumolpus: But with the wooden candlestick he defended himself against
All his enemies

We saw all through a hole they had made by wrenching the latch from
The door: I wish'd him well you may imagine; but Gito had compassion
And wou'd have succour'd the distrest Eumolpus; upon which, my rage
Continuing, I gave his pitying head two or three blows with my fist;
He sate down on the bed and cry'd: but I so eagerly ply'd the hole, I
Made my eyes relieve each other; and, encouraging the people against
Him, with great satisfaction beheld the conflict: when the bailiff of
The island, one Bargates, whom the scuffle had rais'd from supper; was
Brought into the room, supported by others legs, for he was troubl'd
With the gout, he cou'd not use his own: And having in his clownish
Manner, with a great deal of heat, made a long harangue against
Drunkards and vagabonds, looking on Eumolpus, "ha! what is it you,"
Says he, "the excellent poet? What--has these rogues been abusing you
All this while?" At what time he goes up to Eumolpus, and in a
Whisper, "I have a maid," says he, "that flouts at me when I ask her
The question; prithee, if you have any love for me, abuse her in a
Copy of verses till she's ashamed of her self."

While Eumolpus was thus ingag'd with Bargates, the cryer of the town
And some other officer, attended with a great concourse of people
Entred the inn; and, shaking a smoaky rather than lighted torch he
Carried, mouths out this; viz

NOT LONG AGO, RUN AWAY FROM THE BATH, A VERY PRETTY BOY, WITH CURL'D
HAIR, BY NAME, GITO

IF ANY MAN, OR WOMAN, IN CITY, OR COUNTRY CAN TELL TALE OR TIDINGS OF
HIM, SHALL HAVE FOR HIS REWARD 1000 SESTERCES

Not far from the cryer, stood Ascyltos, clad with a coat of many
Colours; who, to incourage any discoverer, held the reward in a silver
Charger before him

Upon this, I order'd Gito to steal under the bed, and thrust his feet
And hands through the cords that, as Ulysses formerly hid in a sheeps
Hide, so extended he might cheat the searchers

Gito immediately obey'd the motion, and fixing himself, as I directed
Out-did Ulysses in his native art: But, that I might leave no room for
Suspicion, I so disposed the bed-cloaths, that none could believe more
Than my self had lain there

We had just done, when Ascyltos, with a beadle, having search'd the
Other chambers, came to ours, which gave him greater hopes, because he
Found the door so barr'd: But the petty officer he brought, with an
Iron crow, forc'd it open

Upon Ascyltos's entry, I threw my self at his feet, and beseech'd him
If he had any memory of our past friendship; or any respect for one
That had shar'd misfortunes with him, he wou'd at least let me see the
Still dear Gito: And to give my sham-intreaties a better colour, "I
See," says I, "Ascyltos, you are come with designs on my life; for to
What other end could you bring those ministers of justice? Therefore
Satisfie your rage, behold my naked bosom, let out that blood, which
Under pretence of a search, you come to seek."

Ascyltos, now laying aside his old grudge to me; profess'd he came in
Pursuit of nothing but Gito, that had run from him; nor desir'd the
Death of any man, much more of one that falls before him; and whom
After a fatal quarrel with him, he held most dear

The petty officer was not so easie to me, for taking a stick out of
The inn-keeper's hand, he felt under the bed with it, and run it into
Every hole he found in the wall: Gito drew his body out of the stick's
Way, and, breathing as gently as fear cou'd make him, held his mouth
Close to the cords

They were hardly gone, e're Eumolpus bounc'd in upon us, for the
Broken door cou'd stop nobody, and, in a great heat, cry'd out, "I'll
Earn the reward: I'll make after the Cryer, and let him know how soon
Gito may be in his custody."

Eumolpus pursuing his design, I kist his knees, and intreated him not
To anticipate the end of dying men; "you wou'd be justly angry," added
I, "if you shou'd discover to 'em how you are deceiv'd: The boy run
Into the crowd undiscovered, and where he is gone, my self can't
Suspect. I beseech you, Eumolpus, bring back the boy, or at least
Restore him even to Ascyltos."

Just as I had worked him to a belief, Gito, with restraining his
Breath, snees'd thrice so thoroughly, that he shook the bed; at which
Eumolpus, turning about, saluted him with, "God bless you, sir;" and
Taking the bedding aside, saw the little Ulysses, who might have
Raised compassion, even in a blood-thirsty Cyclops: then looking upon
Me, "Thou villain," says he, "how have you shamm'd me? Durst you not
Tell truth, even when you was catch'd in a roguery? If some god, that
Has the care of humane affairs, had not forc'd the boy to discover
Himself, I had wander'd in search of him to a fine purpose." But
Gito, that cou'd fawn much better than I, took a cobweb dipt in oyl
And apply'd to the wound in his forehead: And changing his torn coat
For his own mantle, imbrac'd the now reconcil'd Eumolpus, and stuck to
His lips: at last he spoke, and, "Our lives," said he, "most indulgent
Father, our lives are in your power; if you love your Gito, convince
Him that you do, by preserving him: O! could I now meet a grave in
Flames or waves, that I, the only cause of all, might end your
Quarrels."

Eumolpus, concern'd at our grief, and particularly mindful of Gito's
Tenderness to him; "surely," says he, "y'are the greatest of fools
Who have souls enrich'd with virtues, that may make ye happy, yet live
A continu'd martyrdom, raising to your selves every day new occasions
Of grief; I, wherever I am, make my life as pleasant and free from
Trouble, as if I expected no more of it: If you'll imitate me, never
Let cares disturb your quiet. And to avoid Ascyltos that haunts ye in
These parts, I am taking a voyage to a foreign country, and shou'd be
Glad of your company: I believe to morrow night I shall go on board
The vessel: I am very well known there, and you need not doubt of a
Civil entertainment."

His advice appear'd to me both wise and profitable; for at once it
Deliver'd me from Ascyltos, and gave me hopes of living more happy:
Thus oblig'd by Eumolpus's good nature, I was sorry for the late
Injury I had done him, and began to repent I appear'd his rival, since
It had occasion'd so many disasters

At last, with tears, I beseech'd him to be friends with me too, for
That it was not in a rival's power to bound his rage; yet, that I
Wou'd try neither to say, or do any thing that may offend him: and
Hop'd so wise and good a man as he, wou'd leave in his mind no sign of
A former quarrel: for 'twas with men as with countrys, on rude
Neglected grounds snows lay very long, but where the fruitful earth
Was improv'd by culture, they presently melt off, and hardly leave a
Print behind: Thus unfashion'd minds can't discharge their passions
Suddenly, but where souls are inrich'd with instruction, they but
Appear and vanish

"And to confirm the truth of what you say," return'd Eumolpus, "all my
Heat expires in this kiss; but, to prevent the designs of your
Enemies, hasten with your wallets, and either follow me, or, if ye
Like it, act the leaders."

He had not done speaking, when, hearing the door move, we turn'd
About, and saw a seaman, with a beard that made him appear terribly
Grim: who saluted Eumolpus with a "Why dy'e stay, as if you did not
Know how near the time 'twas?"

All immediately prepared for the march, Eumolpus loads his servants
Who had been all this while asleep; I, and Gito, pack'd our things
Together, and, thanking our stars, enter'd the vessel

We fixt our selves, as much out of the way as we could, under deck:
And it being not yet day, Eumolpus fell a-sleep: I, and Gito, cou'd
Not take a wink: when reflecting afresh, that I had harbour'd in my
Acquaintance, a rival more powerful than Ascyltos; I began to be much
Troubled: but wisely allaying my grief, I thus reason'd with my self:
Is it so troublesom to share what we love? when the best of nature's
Works are in common? The sun throws his rays on all. The moon, with
Her infinite train of stars, serves to light even beasts to their
Fodder: What below can boast an excellence of nature above the waters?
Yet they flow in publick for the use of all: only love seems sweeter
Stol'n than when it's given us: so it is, we esteem nothing, unless
'tis envy'd by others; but what have I to fear in a rival, that age
And impotence conspire to render disagreeable? Who, when he has an
Inclination, his body jades under him before he can reach the goal

When I had cheated my self with this assurance, I muffled my head in
My coat, and feign'd my self asleep: but on a sudden, as if fortune
Had resolv'd to ruin my quiet; I heard one above deck groaning out:
"And has he scorn'd me?" This struck me with a trembling, for it was
A man's voice, and one I was afraid I knew: but at a greater distance
With the same heat, I heard a woman lamenting: "O that some god," said
She, "wou'd bring my Gito to my arms; tho' he banish'd himself thence;
How kindly wou'd I receive him!"

So unexpected a thing drove the colour from our cheeks; I especially
As in a trance, was a long time speechless; when, trembling with fear
I pull'd Eumolpus by the coat, who was now asleep; and "I beseech you
Father," said I, "do you know the owner of this vessel, or who the
Passengers are?" He was very angry to be disturbed: "And was it for
This reason," said he, "that we chose the most private place in the
Ship; that none but your self might disturb us: or what will it
Signifie if I tell you, that one Lycas a Tarentine owns her, and is
Carrying one Tryphœna to Tarentum?"

For a while I stood like one thunder-struck, when opening my bosom, I
Trembling, cry'd out; "At last, Fortune, you have ruin'd every part of
Me:" for Gito, my better half, lean'd on my breast, as if he had
Breath'd his last: when our sweating through fear, had a little
Recover'd our spirits: I fell at Eumolpus feet, and intreated him to
Have compassion of two dying wretches: that is, to assist us in the
Means of escaping the impending mischief: "Tho' death," I added
"wou'd be more grateful to us, if the happiness of enjoying you, did
Not make us envy life."

Eumolpus was glad to serve us, and swore by all that's sacred, he was
Privy to no design against us; and that he had very innocently brought
Us hither, for no other end, than for our company, having hir'd the
Vessel before he was acquainted with us: "But what designs on your
Lives are here?" added he, "Or have we a pyrate Hannibal on board?"
"Lycas," continued he, "a very honourable man, is not only master and
Owner of this vessel, but of a good estate, and having inclinations to
Traffick, freights his vessel himself: Is this the terrible Cyclops?
Is this the dreadful cut-throat, we must pay our carriage to? And
Besides him, is the beautiful Tryphœna that other emblem of
Terrour, who for her pleasure only goes with Lycas."

"These are the very two," reply'd Gito, "we strove to avoid": and, in
A low voice, made Eumolpus, that trembled at the story, at once
Understand the occasions of their malice to us, and our present
Danger

Eumolpus was so distracted in his thoughts, he cou'd not advise, but
Bid each of us give him his opinion; "And presume," says he, "we had
Just enter'd the Cyclops den, where Jove's thunderbolts are made. We
Must seek a means of delivery, except we design to free us from all
Danger, by sinking the vessel."

"No, no," began Gito, "rather offer the pilot a reward, to direct the
Vessel to some port: and affirm the sea so disagrees with your friend
That if he is not so kind, you fear he'll dye: you may colour the
Pretence with tears, and appear much concern'd, that, mov'd with
Compassion, the pilot may befriend you."

Eumolpus reply'd, that could not be effected, for not only the
Difficulty of guiding so great a ship to a port, but a suspicion he
Wou'd necessarily have, that his friend cou'd not be so suddenly very
Ill, conspir'd against it: Then next perhaps, Lycas wou'd have a
Curiosity to visit his sick passenger: "Can you propose to escape by a
Means that will discover ye to him ye'd avoid? But presuming the ship
Cou'd be stopt in her rapid course, and that Lycas shou'd not visit
His sick on board: How can we get out, but all must see us? With our
Heads muffled, or bare? If cover'd, we move every one to lend a hand
To sick persons; if bare, we discover our selves."

"A desperate disease," said I, "must have a desperate cure; I know no
Better expedient of our delivery, than to slide into the long boat
And cutting the cord, leave the rest to Fortune: Nor do I desire
Eumolpus to share the danger: For what wou'd it signifie to involve an
Innocent person in other mens deserv'd misfortunes? We shall think
Our selves happy, if Fortune be kind."

"'Twas not ill advised," said Eumolpus, "if it cou'd be done; for do
You think to stir in the ship unobserved, when the distant motion of
The stars themselves can't escape the pilot's diligence? You must
Pass the only guarded part of the ship near which place the rope that
Holds the boat is tyed: Besides, Encolpius, I wonder you did not
Remember that one seaman was upon constant duty night and day in the
Boat it self; nor will be mov'd from his post, without you cut his
Throat, or fling him overboard; which consider whether you can dare
Attempt; for my part, to go with you I would refuse no danger that
Could give me the least hopes of getting off; but to put so low a
Value on life, to throw it away as a useless thing, I believe even
Your selves are unwilling: Hear whether you like my proposal; I'll put
Ye into two mantles I have here, and making holes to breathe and eat
Through, will place you amongst my other goods for baggage, next
Morning I allarm the whole ship, crying out, my servants, fearing a
Greater punishment, in the night jump into the sea; that when the ship
Made to land, I might carry you off for baggage."

"Very well," said I, "but do you design to tye us as stocks, within
Which nature does not labour to be freed; or as those that use to
Sneeze and snore? Or, because I once succeeded in a like deceit? But
Suppose we cou'd hold out a day so ty'd up, what shall we do if we're
Put to't longer? Will the thoughts of a quiet life without cares, or
Of our adverse fortune entertain us most? our very cloaths long bound
Up will rot upon our backs: Can we, d'ye think, that are young, and
Not inur'd to labour, endure to be clad like statues, and wear our
Cords as insensibly? Since we are yet to seek a way of escape, for no
Proposal has been made without an objection; see what I have thought
On: The studious Eumolpus, I presume, never goes unfurnisht with ink;
Is there a better expedient, than washing our hands, face, and hair
With that, to appear like Æthiopian slaves? when without wringing
Our limbs, we can't but be merry, to act a cheat, that so nearly
Imposes on our enemies?"

"And why would you not have us circumcis'd too," interrupted Gito
"that we may appear like Jews; and have our ears bor'd, to persuade
Them we came from Arabia? and why did not you advise our faces to be
Chalk'd as well as ink'd, that we might pass for Frenchmen, as if our
Colour would make such a mighty alteration? Has a foreigner but one
Mark of distinction? Can you think anybody so ignorant to mistake you
For one, by that sign only? Grant our dawb'd faces wou'd keep their
Colour: Suppose it wou'd not wash off, nor our cloaths stick to the
Ink, how can we imitate their black swollen lips? the short curl of
Their hair? the seams on their foreheads? their circular way of
Treading? their splay feet? or the mode of their beards? an artificial
Colour rather stains than alters the body; but, if you'll be rul'd by
A madman, let's cover our heads, and jump into the sea?"

"Nor Heaven nor man," cry'd Eumolpus, "cou'd suffer ye make so ill an
End; rather pursue this advice: My slave, as you may imagine by his
Rasor, is a piece of a barber; let him shave not only your heads, but
As a mark of greater punishment, your eye-brows too, and Ill finish
Your disguise with an inscription on your foreheads, that you may
Appear as slaves branded for some extraordinary villany: Thus the same
Letters will at once divert their suspicion, and conceal your
Countenance under the mask of punishment."

We lik'd the advice, and hasten'd the execution, when stealing to the
Side of the vessel, we committed our heads and eye-brows to the
Barber: Eumolpus in the meantime fill'd our foreheads with great
Letters, and very liberally dispenc'd the known marks of fugitives
Through the other parts of our faces; one of the passengers, easing
His o're-charg'd stomach o're the side of the ship, by the moon
Perceiving the reflection of a barber busie at so unseasonable a time
And, cursing the omen that he thought presag'd a shipwreck, ran to his
Hammock, upon which we dissembled the same, but indeed had an equal
Though different concern; and the noise over, we spent the rest of the
Night without resting much

The next day Eumolpus, when he found Tryphœna was stirring, went to
Visit Lycas; and after he had talk'd with him about the happy voyage
He hop'd from the clearness of the heavens, Lycas, turning to
Tryphœna, "Methoughts," said he, "about midnight the vision of
Priapus appear'd to me, and told me, he had lately brought into my
Ship Encolpius that I sought for": Tryphœna was startl'd, "And
You'd swear we slept together," reply'd she, "for methoughts the image
Of Neptune having struck his trident thrice against the Bajœ, told
Me that in Lycas' ship I shou'd meet my Gito."

"Hence, proceeds," said Eumolpus, interrupting 'em, "that veneration I
Pay the divine Epicurus, who so wittily has discovered such illusions

"When in a dream presented to our view
Those airy forms appear so like the true;
Nor heaven nor hell the fancy'd visions sends
But every breast its own delusion lends:
For when soft sleep the body wraps in ease
And from th' unactive mass our fancy frees
Whatever 'tis in which we take delight
And think of most by day, we dream at night
Thus he, the now sackt city justly fear'd
Who all around had death and ruin shar'd
From fancy'd darts believes a darkned sky
And troops retreating in confusion fly:
There the sad funeral pomp of kings; here
Conscious plains, half drown'd in blood, appear
He that by day has nois'd it at the bar
Of knaves and fools now sees the great resort
And to meet justice vainly fears in court
Misers amidst their heaps are raising new
And think they oft their old hid treasure view
And huntsmen the imagin'd chace pursue
The merchant dreams of wrecks, the ship wou'd save
Or now, by sinking it, himself preserve
The mistress to her distant lover writes;
And, as awake, with flames and darts indites:
The good wife dreaming of her stallion's charms
Oft seeks the pleasure in her cuckold's arms
Dogs on full cry, in sleep, the hare pursue
And hapless wretches their old griefs renew."

But Lycas, when he had thank'd his stars for their care of him, "That
We may not seem," said he, "to condemn the divine powers, what hinders
But we search the vessel?"

Upon which one Æsius, the passenger that had discover'd us by our
Reflection in the water, cry'd out, "these are the men that were
Shav'd by moonshine to night. Heaven avert the omen! I thought the
Ceremony of cutting the nails and hair, was never perform'd but as a
Solemn sacrifice to appease a storm."

"Is 't so," says Lycas, in a great heat, "did any in the ship offer to
Shave themselves, and at midnight too? Bring 'em quickly hither, that
I may know who they are that deserve to die a sacrifice for our
Safety."

"'Twas I," quoth Eumolpus, "commanded it, not wishing ill to the ship
But ease to my self; for they are my slaves, and having long staring
Hairs, I order'd the uncomely sight to be taken away; not only that I
Might not seem to make a prison of the ship; but that the mark of
Their villany might more plainly appear; and to let you know how
Richly they deserve the punishment; among other rogueries, they rob'd
Me of a considerable sum of money, and spent it with all the luxury of
Rich debauches, on a trull that was at both their services, whom I
Catcht them with last night. In short, they yet smell of the wine
They profusely gave themselves with my money."

Lycas, that the offenders might atone for their crime, order'd each of
Them forty stripes; we were immediately brought to the place of
Execution; where the enrag'd seamen set upon us with ropes-ends, and
Try'd to offer our blood a sacrifice for their safety. I bore three
Stripes very heroically. Gito, who had not so much passive valour at
The first blow, set up such an out-cry that the known sound of his
Voice reach'd Tryphœna's ear; who in great disorder attended with
Her maids, that were all like her self surpriz'd at the voice, run to
The sufferer

Gito's admirable beauty had soften'd their rage, and seem'd without
Speaking to intreat their favour; when the maids unanimously cry'd
Out, "'tis Gito, 'tis Gito; hold your barbarous hands, help madam
'tis Gito!"

Tryphœna to their cry inclin'd her ears, that already had
Anticipated her belief, and with eager haste flew to the boy

Upon which Lycas that knew me very well, as much satisfied as he had
Heard my voice, ran to me, and taking my other parts on content, sed
Contiguo ad inguina mea luminibus deflexis movit officiosam manum
"your servant Encolpius," says he, "'twill be no wonder how Euryclea
That nurs'd Ulysses, at his return after twenty years absence, shou'd
Know him by a scar on his forehead, when 'tis consider'd, the most
Discreet Lycas, not beholden to the marks of any seen part of the
Body, so judiciously discover'd me by the most hid:" Tryphœna
Having cheated herself into a belief that those marks of slavery we
Wore on our foreheads were real, wept; and began in a low voice, to
Inquire what prison cou'd stop us in our rambles; or whose cruel hands
Cou'd finish such a punishment without reluctancy. "I confess," added
She, "they deserve some punishment with whom their masters are so
Justly angry."

Lycas was in great heat at Tryphœna's tenderness. "And thou
Foolish woman," said he, "can you believe, those marks were cut before
The ink was laid? We should be too happy were those stains not to be
Rub'd off, and had justly been, as they design'd us, the subject of
Their laughter, if we had suffer'd our selves to be so grossly impos'd
On in a sham inscription."

Tryphœna, who was not yet unmindful of our former amours, wou'd
Have pity'd us. When Lycas, still resenting the abuse he received in
His vitiated wife, and the affronts at the porch of Hercules' temple
With greater rage cry'd out, "I thought you had been convinc'd
Tryphœna, that Heaven has the care of humane affairs, when it not
Only brought our enemies into our power, which they strove to avoid
But reveal'd it in a vision to us both; see what you'l get by
Pardoning them, whom Heaven it self has brought to punishment, for my
Part, I am not naturally so cruel, but am afraid the judgment I shou'd
Prevent from justly falling upon others, may light on my own head."

This superstitious harangue, turn'd Tryphœna from hindring our
Punishment to hasten its execution. When she began afresh as highly
To resent the former affronts that was offer'd her, as Lycas did the
Repute of his modesty that he had lost in the peoples esteem

When Lycas found Tryphœna was with himself eagerly inclin'd to
Revenge, he order'd to increase our punishments, which when Eumolpus
Perceiv'd, he endeavour'd to mitigate after this manner

"I pity the wretches," said he, "that lie at your mercy. Lycas, they
Implore your compassion, and choosing me as a man not altogether
Unknown to 'em to perform the office, desire to be reconcil'd to them
They once held most dear. Can you believe, 'twas by accident they
Fell into your hands, when all passengers make it their chief business
To enquire to whose care they are to trust themselves? When you are
Satisfied of their intentions, can you be so barbarous to continue
Your revenge, but suffer free-born men to go uninjur'd where they have
Design'd. Even barbarous and implacable masters allay their cruelty
When their slaves repent; and all give quarter to the enemy that
Surrenders himself. What can you, or will you desire more? You have
At your feet repenting supplicants; they're gentlemen, and men of
Worth; and what's more prevailing than both, were once caress'd as
Your dearest friends. Had they rob'd you of your money, or betray'd
Your trust, by Hercules the punishment they've inflicted on themselves
Might have satisfied your rage; don't you see the marks of slaves on
Their faces; who, though free, to attone their injuries to you
Proscrib'd themselves."

"To avoid confusion," interrupted Lycas, "give me a reason for all
Particulars as I shall ask you; and first, if they came with design to
Surrender themselves, why did they cut off their hair? for all
Disguises are assum'd rather to deceive than satisfie the injur'd

"Next, if they expected to ingratiate them selves by their
Embassadour, why have you endeavoured in everything, to conceal them
You were to speak for? whence it plainly appears, 'twas by accident
The offenders were brought to punishment, and that you have us'd this
Artifice to divert our suspicion. Sure you thought to raise our envy
By ringing in our ears, that they were gentlemen, and men of worth;
But have a care their cause don't suffer by your impudence; what
Shou'd the injur'd do when the guilty come to 'em to be punisht? And
If they were my friends, they deserve to be more severely treated; for
He that wrongs a stranger is call'd a rogue, but he that serves a
Friend so, is little less than a parricide."

"I am sencible," said Eumolpus, answering this dreadful harangue
"that nothing cou'd happen to these unhappy young men more unfortunate
Than the cutting their hair off at midnight, which is the only
Argument that may perswade you to mistake their voluntary coming here
For accidental; but I shall as candidly endeavour to undeceive you, as
It was innocently acted: before they imbarkt they had designs to ease
Their heads of that, as troublesome as useless weight, but the
Unexpected wind that hasten'd us on board, made 'em defer it; nor did
They suspect it to be of any moment where 'twas done, being equally
Ignorant of the ill omen, and customs of mariners."

"What advantage," reply'd Lycas, "cou'd they propose to themselves by
The loss of their hair? unless they thought baldness might sooner
Raise our compassion: Or can you believe I wou'd be satisfy'd in your
Relation? when addressing himself to me, What poyson, said he, thou
Villain, has eat your hair off? To what god have your sacrilegious
Hands offer'd it?"

The fear of punishment struck me speechless; nor cou'd I find any
Thing to urge in my defence against so plain an accusation. Then the
Confusion I was in, my disfigur'd face, with the equal baldness of my
Head and eye-brows, gave a ridiculous air to everything I said or did;
But when they wip'd us with a wet spunge, the letters melting into
One, spread o'er our faces such a sooty cloud that turn'd Lycas's rage
To a perfect loathing. Eumolpus cou'd not endure to see free-born men
Against all law and justice so abus'd, and returning their threats
With blows, not only was our advocate but champion too. He was
Seconded by his man, and two or three sick passengers appear'd our
Friends, that serv'd rather to encourage us, than encrease our force

Upon which I was so far from begging pardon, that without any respect
I held my fists at Tryphœna, and plainly told her she shou'd feel
Me, if her lecherous ladiship, who only in the ship deserv'd to be
Punisht, was not content to decline her pretentions to Gito

The angry Lycas was all rage at my impudence; and very impatient of
Revenge when he found, without any concern for my own cause, I stood
Up for another's

Nor was Tryphœna less disturb'd at my contempt of her; at what time
Every one in the vessel choose his side and put himself in a posture
Of defence

On our side Eumolpus's slave distributed the instruments of his trade
And reserv'd a razor to defend his own person; on the other
Tryphœna and her attendants advanc'd, armed with nothing but their
Nails and tongues; which last supply'd the want of drums in their
Army; when the pilot, crying out, threaten'd he wou'd leave the ship
To the mercy of the waves if they continued the bustle rais'd about
The lust of two or three vagabonds

This did not in the least retard the fight; they pressing for revenge
We for our lives: in short, many fell half dead on both sides; others
Withdrew, as from greater armies, to be drest of their wounds; yet
This damps not the rage of either side

Then the bold Gito, drawing out that part of him Tryphœna most
Admired, clapt a bloody razor to't, and threaten'd to cut away the
Cause of all our misfortunes, but Tryphœna did not faintly send to
Prevent so cruel an act: I often offer'd at my throat too, but with as
Little design to kill my self as Gito to do what he threaten'd: he the
More boldly handl'd his because he knew it to be the same blunt razor
He had us'd before; which made Tryphœna very apprehensive of his
Tragic intentions

Upon this, both sides drew up their ranks, when the pilot perceiving
How commical a war it was, with much ado was perswaded to let
Tryphœna dispatch an herald to capitulate: Articles immediately
According to the custom of countries being mutually agreed off on both
Sides; Tryphœna snatcht an olive-branch, the ensign of peace, that
Stuck to the image of prosperity pictur'd in the ship, and holding it
In the midst of us, thus addrest her self

"What fury did these sudden broils engage
How have their guiltless hands deserv'd your rage?
No Paris a stol'n dame to Troy conveys
No witch Media here her brother slays:
But slighted love must needs resenting be:
And midst the waves who is the raging he
Now rob'd of arms that can attempt my fate?
By whom is simple death so little thought?
Let not your murderous rage out storm the seas
And dangers of the angry waves increase."

When in a great heat Tryphœna had thus said, both armies stood
Still a while, and reviving the treaty of peace, put a stop to the
War. Our captain Eumolpus prudently us'd the occasion of her
Repentance, and having first severely chastiz'd Lycas, sign'd the
Articles, which were as follow

"Tryphœna, you do from the bottom of your heart, as you are in
Perfect mind, promise never to complain of any injury you have
Receiv'd from Gito; nor mention, upbraid him with, or study to revenge
Directly or indirectly any action of his before this day; and to
Prevent your forcing him to an unwilling compliance, be it further
Agreed, that you never kiss, coll, or bring him to a closer hug
Without the forfeiture of 100 denarii: And for better security, that
You always pay your mony, before you have your ware

"Item, you Lycas, from the bottom of your heart, as you are in perfect
Mind; do promise never to reproach, or insultingly treat Encolpius
Either in words, or gestures: But, on the forfeiture of 200 denarii
For each time you abuse him, behind his back."

Conditions thus agreed on, we laid down our arms: And, least any
Grudge might still remain, wipe off the memory of all things past, in
Repeated kisses

All quarrels expir'd in universal shouts, and a sumptuous banquet that
Followed, spread equal mirth through the whole company: The vessel
Rung with songs, the ensigns of their joy: and the occasion of a
Sudden calm, gave other diversions: Here a little artist bob'd for
Fish, that rising, seem'd with haste to meet their ruin: There another
Draws the unwilling prey, that he had betray'd on the hook, with an
Inviting bait: When looking up, we saw sea-birds sitting on the
Sail-yard, about which, one skill'd in that art having plac'd
Lime-twigs, made 'em his booty. Their downy feathers, the air whirl'd
About: The other, the sea vainly tost too and fro

Now Lycas began to be friends with me: and Tryphœna, as a mark of
Her love, threw the bottom of her wine upon Gito: At what time
Eumolpus, quite drunk, aim'd at rallery on those that were bald and
Branded; till having spent his life-less stock, he return'd to his
Verses; and designing an elegy on the loss of hair, thus began

Nature's chief ornament, the hair is lost
Those vernal locks, feel winter's blast:
Now the bald temples mown their banish'd shade
And bristles shine o' the sun-burnt head
The joys, deceitful nature does first pay
Our age, it snatches first away
Unhappy mortal, that but now
The lovely grace of hair, did'st know:
Bright as the sun's or Cynthia's beams
Now worse than brass, and only seems
Like th' mushroom, that in gardens springs
From sporting girls, you'll frighted run
And that death will the sooner come:
Know that part of your head is gone

He wou'd have condemn'd us to hear more, and I believe worse than the
Former; if an attendant of Tryphœna, had not disturb'd him: who
Taking Gito aside, dress'd him up in her mistresses tower; and to
Restore him perfectly to his former figure, drawing false eye-brows
Out of her patch-box, placed 'em so exactly, Nature might have
Mistaken 'em for her own work

At the sight of the true Gito, Tryphœna wept for joy: Who, not
Before, cou'd hug him with so real a satisfaction

I was glad to see his loss so well repair'd: Yet, often hid my head
As sensible I appear'd with no common deformity, whom even Lycas
Thought not worth speaking to: But 'twas not long e'er the same maid
Came to my relief, and calling me aside, dress'd me in a peruke no
Less agreeable: for being of golden locks, it rather improv'd my
Complexion

But, Eumolpus, our advocate, and reconciler, to entertain the company
And keep up the mirth, began to be pleasant on the inconstancy of
Women: how forward they were to love, how soon they forgot their
Sparks: and that no woman was so chast, but her untry'd lust, might be
Rais'd to a fury: nor wou'd he bring instances from ancient tragedies
Or personages celebrated in antiquity: but entertain us, if we wou'd
Please to hear, with a story within the circle of his own memory: upon
Which the eyes and ears of all were devoted to him: who thus began

"There was at Ephesus a lady, of so celebrated virtue, that the women
Of neighbouring nations came to join their admiration with that of her
Own country: This lady at the death of her husband not content with
Tearing her hair, or beating her breast, those common expressions of
Grief; but following him into the vault, where the body plac'd in a
Monument, she, after the Græcian custom, watch'd the corps, and
Whole nights and days continu'd weeping; the perswasions of parents
Nor relations cou'd divert her grief, or make her take anything to
Preserve life, the publick officers at last, she guarding the body for
'em, left the vault; and lamented by all for so singular an example of
Grief, liv'd thus five days without eating

"All left her but a faithful maid, who with tears supply'd her
Afflicted lady, and as often as the lamp they had by, began to expire
Renew'd the light; by this time she became the talk of the whole town;
And all degrees of men confest, she was the only true example of love
And chastity

"In the meantime there happening a trial of criminals, the condemn'd
Were order'd to be crucify'd near the vault in which the lady was
Weeping o're the corps of her late husband. The soldier that guarded
The bodies lest any might be taken from the cross and bury'd, the
Night after observ'd a light in the vault, and hearing the groans of
Some afflicted person, prest with a curiosity common to mankind, he
Desired to know, who, or what it was? Upon which he enter'd the
Vault, and seeing a very beautiful woman, amaz'd at first, he fancy'd
'twas a spirit, but viewing the dead body, and considering her tears
And torn face, he soon guest, as it was, that the lady cou'd not bear
The loss of her husband: he brings his supper with him into the vault
And began to perswade the mournful lady not to continue her
Unnecessary grief, nor with vain complaints consume her health: That
Death was common to all men; and many other things he told her, that
Use to restore afflicted persons to that calmness they before enjoy'd:
But she mov'd anew at the comfort a stranger offer'd, redoubl'd her
Grief, and tearing her hair, cast it on the body that lay before her

"The souldier however did not withdraw, but with the like invitations
Offer'd her somewhat to eat, till her maid o'recome, I presume, by the
Pleasing scent of the wine, no longer cou'd resist the soldier's
Courtesie. When refresht with the entertainment she began to join her
Perswasions to win her lady; 'and what advantage,' began she, 'wou'd
You reap in starving your self? in burying your self alive? What
Wou'd it signifie to anticipate your fate?'

"'D'ye think departed souls will value it?'

"'Will you, madam, in spite of Fate, revive your husband? Or will you
Shake off these vain complaints, the marks of our sex's weakness, and
Enjoy the world while you may? The very body that lyes there might
Make you envy life. We don't unwillingly obey when we're commanded to
Eat or live.' The lady now dry with so long fasting, suffer'd her self
To be o'recome; nor was she less pleas'd with her entertainment, than
Her maid, that first surrendered. You know with what thoughts
Encouraging meats inspire young persons. With the same charms our
Souldier had won her to be in love with life, he addrest himself as a
Lover; nor did his person appear less agreeable to the chaste lady
Than his conversation; and the maid, to raise her opinion of him, thus
Apply'd her self:

"And arm'd with pleasing love dare you ingage
E're you consider in whose tents you are?"

"To make short; nor even in this cou'd the lady deny him any thing:
Thus our victorious souldier succeeded in both; she receiv'd his
Imbraces; not only that night they struck up the bargain, but the next
And third day: Having shut the door of the vault, that if any of her
Acquaintances or strangers had come out of curiosity to see her, they
Might have believ'd the most chaste of all women, had expir'd on the
Body of her husband. Our souldier was so taken with his beautiful
Mistress, and the privacy of injoying her, that the little money he
Was master of, he laid out for her entertainment, and, as soon as
'twas night, convey'd it into the vault

"In the mean time the relations of one of the malefactors, finding the
Body unguarded, drew it from the cross and bury'd it. The souldier
Thus rob'd while he was in the vault, the next day, when he perceiv'd
One of the bodies gone, dreading the punishment, he told the lady what
Had happened; and, added that with his sword he wou'd prevent the
Judges sentence; if so be she wou'd please to give him burial, and
Make that place at once the fatal monument of a lover and a husband

"'The lady, not less merciful than chast; 'Nor wou'd Heaven allow,'
Said she, 'that I shou'd at once feel the loss of the only two in the
World I hold most dear; I'd rather hang up the dead body of the one
Than be the wicked instrument of the other's death.' Upon which she
Order'd her husband's body to be taken out of the coffin, and fixt to
The cross, in the room of that which was wanting: Our souldier pursued
The directions of the discreet lady, and the next day the people
Wonder'd for what reason that body was hung on the cross."

The seamen were pleas'd with the story. Tryphœna not a little
Asham'd, lovingly apply'd her cheek to Gito's, and hid her blushes:
But Lycas wore an air of displeasure, and knitting his brows, said he
"if the governour had been a just man, he ought to have restor'd the
Husband's body to his monument, and hung the woman on the cross." I
Don't doubt it made him reflect on his own wife, and the whole scene
Of our lust when we rob'd his vessel. But the articles he agreed to
Oblig'd him not to complain; and the mirth that ingag'd us gave him no
Opportunity to vent his rage

Tryphœna entertain'd her self in Gito's arms, pressing oft his neck
With eager kisses, and oft disposing his new ornament, to make it
Appear more agreeable to his face

At this I was not a little out of humour, and impatient of our new
League, cou'd neither eat nor drink any thing: but with side-looks
Wisht a thousand curses on them both; every kiss and every look she
Gave him, wounded me. Nor did I yet know whether I had more reason to
Repent the loss of my mistress, or my comrade; he having rob'd me of
Her; and she deluded him from my arms: Both were worse than death to
Me. And to compleat my misery, neither Tryphœna spoke to me as her
Acquaintance, and once grateful lover; nor did Gito think me worth
Drinking to; or what's the least he cou'd, common discourse with him:
I believe he was tender of the new return of her favours, and afraid
To give her another occasion to fall out with him: Grief forc'd a
Flood of tears from my eyes, and I stifl'd my complaints, till I was
Ready to expire

When Lycas perceiv'd how well, tho' in this trouble my yellow ornament
Became me, he was inflam'd afresh; and viewing me with lovers eyes
Addressed himself as such, when laying aside the haughty brow of a
Master, he put on the tender complacency of a friend: but his
Endeavours were fruitless. At last meeting with an intire repulse
His love turning to a fury, he endeavour'd to ravish the favours he
Could not win by intreaty; at what time Tryphœna unexpectedly came
In, and observing his wantonness; in the greatest confusion he hid his
Head, and ran from her

Upon which the more lustful Tryphœna askt, and made me tell her
What those wanton caresses meant; she was inspired with new heat at
The relation; and mindful of our old amours, offer'd to revive our
Former commerce; but worn off my legs with those employments, I gave
Her invitations but an ill return; yet she with all the desires of a
Woman transported by her passion, threw her arms about me, and so
Closely lockt me in her imbraces, I was forc'd to cry out; one of her
Maids came in at the noise, and easily believing I wou'd force from
Her the favours I had deny'd her mistress, rusht between, and loos'd
The bands: Tryphœna meeting with such a repulse, and even raging
With desire, took it more grievous at my hands, and with threats at
Her going off, flew to Lycas; not only to raise his resentments
Against me, but to join with him in pursuit of revenge

By the way observe, I had formerly been well receiv'd by this
Attendant of Tryphœna, when I maintain'd a commerce with her
Mistress, upon that score she resented my converse with Tryphœna
And deeply sighing, made me eager to know the occasion; when she
Stepping back, thus began, "If you had any sparks of the gentleman in
You, you'd value her no more than a common prostitute; if you were a
Man you wou'd not descend to such a jakes." These thoughts not a
Little disturb'd her; but I was asham'd of nothing more, than that
Eumolpus, suspecting the occasion, shou'd in his next verses make our
Suppos'd quarrel the subject of his drollery; and lest my care to
Avoid it shou'd prove no means of discovering it

When I was contriving how to prevent his suspicion, Eumolpus himself
Came in, already acquainted with what was done; for Tryphœna had
Communicated her grief to Gito, and endeavour'd at his cost to
Compensate the injury I had offer'd her. Upon which Eumolpus was on
Fire, and the more, because her wantonness was an open breach of the
Articles she had sign'd

When the old doctor saw me, pitying my misfortune, he desir'd to know
The whole scene from my self; I freely told him of the gamesomeness of
The lewd Lycas, and Tryphœna's lustful assault, that he was already
Well inform'd of; upon which, in a solemn oath, he swore to vindicate
Our cause, and that Heaven was too just to suffer so many crimes to go
Unpunisht

While we were thus ingag'd a storm arose; now thick clouds, and th'
Inrag'd flood eclypst the day, the seamen fly to their posts as fast
As fear cou'd make 'em; and, pulling down the sails, leave the vessel
To the mercy of the tempest; for the uncertain winds made them
Hopeless of any direct course; nor did the pilot know which way to
Steer; sometimes the unguided ship was forc'd on the coast of Sicily
Often by contrary winds 'twas tost near Italy; and what was more
Dangerous than all, on a sudden the gathering clouds spread such
Horrid darkness all around, that the pilot cou'd not see over the
Fore-castle; upon which all despair'd of safety; when Lycas threw
Himself before me, and lifting up his trembling hands, "I beseech you
Encolpius," began he, "assist the distress'd, that is restore the
Sacred vest and timbrel you took from the image of the goddess Isis;
Be merciful as you are won't.'' At what time a whirlwind snatcht him
Up, and threw him howling midst the flood, and soon a spiteful wave
Just shew'd him us, and drew him back again

Tryphœna, hastily taken up by her faithful attendants, and plac'd
With her chief goods in the skiff, avoided a most certain death

I, lockt in Gito's arms, not without tears, cry'd out, "And this we
Have merited of Heaven, that only death should joyn us; but even now I
Fear fortune will be against it; for see the waves threaten to
O'erturn the vessel; and now the tempest comes to burst the lov'd
Bands that unite us; therefore if you really love Encolpius, let's
Kiss while we may, and snatch this last joy even in spite of our
Approaching fate."

When I had thus said, Gito threw off his mantle, and getting under
Mine, thrust his head out at top to reach my lips; but that the most
Malicious wave might not ravish us asunder, he girt himself to me with
The thong that bound his wallet; and "'tis some comfort," said he, "to
Think that by this the sea will bear us longer e're it can divorce us
From each other's arms. Or, if in compassion it shou'd throw us on
The same shore, either the next that passes by wou'd give us a
Monument of stone, that by the common laws of humanity he wou'd cast
Upon us; or at least the angry waves, that seem to conspire our
Separation, wou'd unwittingly bury us in one grave, with the sand
Their rage wou'd vomit up." I was satisfy'd with my chain, and, as on
My death-bed, did now contentedly expect the coming hour

In the mean time the tempest, acting the decrees of Fate, had rent all
The rigging from the vessel; no mast, no rudder left, not a rope or
Plank, but an awkward shapeless body of a ship tost up and down the
Flood

The fisher-men that inhabited the sea-side, expecting a booty, in all
Haste put out with their boats; but when they saw those in the vessel
That cou'd defend their own; they chang'd their design of pillaging to
Succouring

After a salute on both sides, unwonted murmurs, lilre that of some
Beast, labouring to get out, proceeded from beneath the master's
Cabin; upon which, following the sound, we found Eumolpus sitting
Alone, and in his hand a large scroll of paper that he was filling
Even to the margent, with verses; we all were amaz'd to see a man
Amuse himself with poetry, at a time when he had reason to think each
Minute wou'd be his last, and having drawn him, malcing a great noise
From his hole, we endeavour'd to recover him from his frenzy; but he
Was in such a heat to be disturb'd, that "'Sdeath," said he, "let me
Make an end of this couplet, it finishes the poem;" on which I took
Hold of the mad man, and order'd the still murmuring poet to be hall'd
On shore

When with some trouble we had got him on shore, we very pensively
Enter'd one of the fishermen's huts, and howe're we feasted on our
Meats the sea had corrupted, we had no comfortable night of 't

The next day, as we were proposing how to bestow our selves, we
Discover'd an human body floating on a little wave that made to shore:
I stood still concern'd, and began with more diligence to see, if what
Was presented to our view was real

When, finding it to be a man's: and "who knows," I cry'd out, "but
This wretch's wife, in some part of the world, secure at home, may
Expect his coming; or perhaps a son, ignorant of the fatal storm, may
Wait the wisht arrival of his father; who with so many kisses seal'd
His unwilling parting: These are our great designs! vain mortals swell
With promising hopes, yet there's the issue of them all! see the
Mighty nothing how it's tost!"

When I had thus bemoan'd the wretch, as one unknown, the sea cast him
On land with his face, not much disfigur'd, toward Heaven; upon which
I made up to it, and easily knew that the but now terrible and
Implacable Lycas was lying at my feet

I could not restrain my tears; but, beating my breast, "Now where's,"
Said I, "your rage? where your unruly passions? now you're expos'd a
Prey to fish and beasts; and the poor shipwrackt wretch, with all his
Boasted power, now has not one plank of the great ship he proudly
Call'd his own. After this, let mortals flatter themselves with
Golden dreams, let the weary miser heap up ill-got wealth for many
Years; 'twas but yesterday this lifeless thing was priding in its
Riches, and had fixt the very day he thought to return. How short
Alas! eyes the poor wretch of his design! but 'tis not the sea only we
Should fear: one the wars deceive; another by some accidental ruin
Even at the altar, meets a grave; third by a fall in running
Anticipates his arrival to the goal; eating oft kills the greedy; and
Abstinence the temperate. If we rightly consider it in this sea of
Life we may be shipwrackt every where; but we vainly lament the want
Of burial to a wretch that's drowned; as if it concern'd the perishing
Carcass, whether flames, worms, or fishes were its cannibals
Whatever way you are consum'd, the end of all 's the same. But fish
They object, will tear their bodies; as if their teeth were less
Gentle than the flames; a punishment that we believe is the highest we
Can inflict on slaves that have provok'd us; therefore what madness is
't to trouble our lives with the cares of our burial after we're dead;
When the best of us may meet the fate he vainly strives with so much
Diligence to avoid?"

After these reflections, we perform'd the last office for the dead
And tho' his enemies, honour'd him with a funeral pile; but while
Eumolpus was making an epitaph, his eyes roam'd here and there, to
Find an image that might raise his fancy

When we had willingly acquitted our selves of this piece of humanity
To Lycas, we pursu'd our design'd journey, and all in a sweat soon
Reacht the head of a neighbouring hill, from whence we discovered a
Town seated on the top of a high mountain; we did not know it, till a
Shepherd inform'd us 'twas Crotona; the most ancient and once most
Flourishing city of Italy; when we enquir'd of him what sort of people
Inhabited this renown'd place, and what kind of commerce they chiefly
Maintain'd, since they were impoverish'd by so many wars?

"Gentlemen," said he, "if you have designs of trading, you must go
Another way; but if you're of the admir'd sort of men, that have the
Thriving qualifications of lying and cheating, you're in the direct
Path to business; for in this city no learning flourisheth, eloquence
Has not a room here; temperance, good manners, nor any virtue can meet
A reward; assure your selves of finding but two sorts of men, and they
Are the cheated, and those that cheat. A father takes no care of his
Children, because the having of heirs is such a mark of infamy, that
He who is known in that circumstance, dares not appear at any publick
Game or show, is deny'd all publick priviledges, and only herds among
Those that all men piss upon. But single men, who have no tyes of
Nature that oblige the disposal of their wealth, are caress'd by all
And have the greatest honours confer'd on 'em; they are the only
Valorous, the only brave; nay, and only innocent too. You're going to
A city," added he, "like a field in a plague-time, where you can
Observe nothing but one man devouring another, as crows dead
Carcasses."

The prudent Eumolpus, as a thing so surprizingly new, began to be
Thoughtful, and confest that way to riches did not displease him. I
Believ'd it the effect of a poetick gaiety, that had not left his
Years. When, "I wish," continued he, "I cou'd maintain a greater
Figure, as well in habit as attendants, 'twou'd give a better colour
To my pretences: By Hercules, I'd throw by the wallet, and soon
Advance all our fortunes."

Promising therefore to supply his wants, "we have with us," said I
"the sacred vest of Isis, and all the booty we made at Lycurgus's
Village; and you have given me such hopes, Eumolpus," added I, "that
Were the goddess her self in my power, I'd pawn her for money to carry
On the design."

Upon which, said Eumolpus, "why delay we the bringing of our hands in
Use? and if you like the proposal let me be called your master."

None e're condemned a project that was no charge to him; therefore to
Be true to his interests, we engag'd in an oath before we wou'd
Discover the cheat to suffer ten thousand racks; and thus like
Free-born gladiators selling our liberty, we religiously devoted both
Soul and body to our new master

After the solemn ceremonies of our oath were ended; like slaves, at a
Distance, we salute the master of our own making. When beginning to
Exercise his authority, he commanded us to report that our ancient
Lord (meaning him) griev'd at the loss of a son, who was a great
Orator and comfort to his age, was unhappily forc'd to quit the place
Of his abode, lest the daily salutes of those that expected preferment
Under him, or visits of his companions, might be the continual
Occasions of tears; and the late shipwrack had added to his grief
Having lost to the value of twenty thousand crowns; tho' he was not so
Much concern'd at the loss of his money, as of his large retinue;
That, he fear'd, would make them not proportion their thoughts to his
Greatness; and to add, that our lord had mortgages on half the estates
In Africa, and mighty sums at use on personal security; and cou'd
Raise of his own gladiators, disperst about Numidia, a force able to
Plunder Carthage

After this, that his actions might agree with his condition, 'twas
Concluded necessary to wear an air of discontent; that he should with
A stately stiffness, like quality, often cough, and spit about the
Room; that his words might come the more faintly from him; that in the
Eye of the world he shou'd refuse to eat or drink; ever talking of
Riches, and sometimes, to confirm their belief, shou'd break into
These words; Strange that such or such a seat shou'd disappoint my
Expectation, that us'd to be blest with so large an increase! And
That nothing might be wanting to compleat the humour, as often as he
Had occasion to call any of us, he shou'd use one name for another;
That it might easily appear how mindful the lord was even of those
Servants he had left in Africk

Matters thus order'd, having, as all that wou'd thrive in the world
Implor'd the assistance of Heaven, we began our march, but both Gito
Did not like his new slavery, and Eumolpus's hir'd servant, bearing
Most of our baggage, in a little time beginning to be uneasie in his
Service, wou'd often rest his burden; and with ten thousand wry looks
And as many curses for our going so fast, at last swore he would
Either leave his charge, or go quite away with 't. "'Sdeath," said
He, "d'ye think I'm a pack-horse, or a dray, that you load me thus? I
Was hir'd for a man, not a horse; nor am I less a gentleman by birth
Than any of you all; tho' my father left me in a mean condition." Nor
Content with reproaches, but getting before us, he lift up one leg
And, venturing his choler at the wrong end, filled our nostrils with a
Beastly scent

Gito mockt his humour, and for every crack he gave, return'd the like
That one ill-scent might stifle another

But, even here, Eumolpus returning to his old humour: "Young men,"
Began he, "this poetry deceives many; for not only every one that is
Able to give a verse its numbers, and spin out his feble sence in a
Long train of words, has the vanity to think himself inspir'd; but
Pleaders at the bar, when they wou'd give themselves a loose from
Business, apply themselves to poetry, as an entertainment without
Trouble; believing it easier to compile a poem than maintain a
Controversie, adorn'd with a few florid sentences. But neither will a
Generous spirit affect the empty sound of words; nor can a mind
Unless enricht with learning, be deliver'd of a birth of poetry; there
Must be the purity of language, no porterly expression, or meanness
As I may call it, of words is to be admitted; but a stile perfectly
Above the common, and with Horace,--

"'Scorn the unletter'd herd
And drive 'em from you.'

"Besides, you must be strictly diligent, that your expressions appear
Of a piece with the body of the discourse, and your colours so laid
That each may contribute to the beauty of the whole. Greece has given
Us a Homer and the Lyricks for example; Rome a Virgil and an Horace;
The purity of whose language is so happily correct, others either
Never saw the path that leads to poetry, or seeing, were afraid to
Tread it. To describe the civil wars of Rome would be a master-piece
The unletter'd head that offers at it, will sink beneath the weight of
So great a work; for to relate past actions, is not so much the
Business of a poet, as an historian; the boundless genius of a poet
Strikes through all mazes, introduces gods, and puts the invention on
The rack for poetick ornaments; that it may rather seem a prophetick
Fury, than a strict relation, with witnesses of meer truth. As for
Example, this rapture, tho' I have not given it the last hand

"Now Rome reign'd Empress o're the vanquished ball
As far as earth and seas, obey'd by all:
Uneasie yet, with more desires she's curst
And boundless, as her empire, is her thirst
In burden'd vessels now they travelled o're
The furrow'd deep to seas unknown before:
And any hidden part of land or sea
That gold afforded, was an enemy
Thus fate the seeds of civil fury rais'd
When great in wealth no common pleasure pleas'd
Delights more out of fashion by the town:
Th' souldiers scarlet now from Spain must come;
The purple of the sea contemn'd is grown
India with silks, Africk with precious stone
Arabia with its spices hither come
And with their ruin raise the pride of Rome
But other spoils, destructive to her peace
Rome's ruin bode, and future ills encrease:
Through Libyan desarts are wild monsters chas'd
And the remotest parts of Africk trac'd:
Where the unwieldy elephant that's ta'en
For fatal value of his tooth is slain
Uncommon tygers are imported here
And triumphant in the theatre;
Where, while devouring jaws on men they try
The people clap to see their fellows die
But oh! who can without a blush relate
The horrid scene of their approaching fate?
When Persian customs, fashionable grown
Made nature start, and her best work disown
Male infants are divorc'd from all that can
By timely progress ripen into man
Thus circling nature dampt, a while restrain
Her hasty course, and a pause remains;
Till working a return t'her wonted post
She seeks her self, and to her self is lost
The herd of fops the frantick humour take
Each keeps a capon, loves its mincing gate
Its flowing hair, and striving all it can
In changing mode and dress, t' appear a man
Behold the wilder luxury of Rome
From Africk furniture, slaves, tables come
And purple carpets made in Africk loom
Thus their estates run out, while all around
The sot-companions in their wine are drown'd;
The souldier loads, neglected is his sword
With all his spoils the dearly noble board:
Rome's appetite grows witty, and what's caught
In Sicily, to their boards are living brought:
But stomachs gorg'd, (a dearer luxury)
Must with expensive sauce new hunger buy
The Phasian banks, the birds all eaten, gone
With their forsaken trees in silence moan
And have no musick but the winds alone
In Mars's Field no less a frenzie reigns
Where brib'd assemblies make a prey of gains
Their servile votes obey the chink of gold
A people and a senate to be sold!
The senate's self, which should our rights maintain
From their free spirits, stoop to sordid gain
The power of right by gold corrupted dies
And trampled majesty beneath it lies:
Cato's pretence the giddy rout neglect
Yet did not him, but him they rais'd deject:
Who, tho' he won, with conscious blushes stands
Asham'd o' th' Power he took from worthier hands
O manners, ruin, and the people's shame!
He suffer'd not alone, the Roman name
Virtue and honour to their period came
Thus wretched Rome does her own ruin share
At once the merchant, and at once the ware
All lands are mortgag'd, and all persons bound
And in the use the principal is drown'd
Thus debt's a feaver, and like that disease
Bred in our bowels, by unfelt degrees
Will through our thirsty vitals ev'ry member seize
Wild tumults now to arms for succour call
(For what may dare and never fear a fall.)
Wasted by riot, wealth's a putrid sore
That only wounds can its lost strength restore
What rules of reason, or soft gentle ways
Rome from this lethargy of vice can raise?
Where such mild arts can no impression make
War, tumult, noise and fury must awake
Fortune one age with three great chiefs supply'd
Who different ways, by the sword that rais'd 'em dy'd;
Crassus's blood, Asia; Africk, Pompey's shed;
In thankless Rome, the murder'd Cæsar bled
Thus as one soil alone too narrow were
Their glorious dust, and great remains to bear
O're all the earth their scatter'd ruin lyes;
Such honours to the mighty dead arise
'Twixt Naples and Puteoli there is
Deep in the gaping earth, a dark abys
Where runs the raging black Cocytus stream
That from its waters sends a sulphurous stream
Which spreads its fury round the blasted green
O're all the fatal compass of its breath
No verdant autumn crowns the fruitful earth;
No blooming woods with vernal songs resound
Nothing but black confusion all around
There lonely rocks in dismal quiet mourn
Which aged cypress dreadfully adorn
Here Pluto rais'd his head, and through a cloud
Of fire and smoke, in this prophetick mood
To giddy fortune spoke,--
All ruling Power
You love all change, and quit it soon for more;
You never like what too securely stands;
Does Rome not tire your faint supporting hands?
How can you longer bear the sinking frame
The Roman youth now hate the Roman name
See all around luxuriant trophies lye
And their encreasing wealth new ills supply
Golden aspiring piles here heav'n invade
There on the sea encroaching bounds are made
Where fields contriving as from waters sprung
Inverted nature's injur'd laws they wrong
So deep the caverns in the earth some make
They threat my empire, and my regions shake;
While to low quarries others sink for stone;
And hollow rocks beneath their fury groan
Proud with the hopes to see another day
M'infernal subjects 'gin to disobey:
Fortune be kind, still I'le their fure dare
Turn all your smiles, and stir up Rome to war
And a new colony of souls prepare
Our sooty lips no blood have taste
With thirst Tisiphone's dry throat does wast
Since Sylla's sword let out the purple flood
And guilty earth grew fruitful from the blood
The black grim god did thus to Fortune say
Reaching her hand, the yielding earth gave way
The fickle goddess, thus returning, said
Father, by all beneath this earth obey'd
If dangerous truths may be with safety told
My thoughts with yours a just proportion hold:
No less a rage this willing breast inspires
Nor am I prest with less inflam'd desires;
I hate the blessings that to Rome I lent
And of my bounty, now abus'd, repent:
Thus the proud height of Rome's aspiring wall
By the same dreadful god 'twas rais'd, shall fall
Their blood I'll offer as a sacrifice
T' appease the ghost of their departed vice
I already see Pharsalian armies slain
The funeral piles of Thessaly and Spain:
Egypt and Libya's groans methinks I hear
The dismal sound of arms now strikes my ear
An Actian sea-fight, and retreating fear
Make wide the entrance of your thirsty soil
New spirits must i' th' mighty harvest toil;
Charon's too narrow boat can ne're convey
Scarce a whole fleet will waft the souls away;
Pale furies be with the vast ruin crown'd
And fill'd with blood, remangle every wound
The universal fabrick of the world
Rent and divided, to your empire's hurl'd
She scarce had spoke; e'er from a cloud there flyes
A blasting flame, that bursting shook the skyes;
At Jove's avenging thunder, to his hell
From the clos'd earth, affrighted Pluto fell
When soon the angry gods their omens show
That bode destruction and approaching woe:
Astonishment surpriz'd the darkned sun
As if the war already were begun;
Approaching ills the conscious Cynthia knew
And blushing, from impiety withdrew
With hideous noise the falling mountains cleave;
And streams repulst their usual courses leave
Ingaging armies in the clouds appear
And trumpets raising Mars himself to war
Now Ætna's flames with an usual roar
Vomit huge bolts of thunder in the air
Amidst the tombs and bones without their urns
Portending spirits send up dismal groans:
A comet's seen with stars unknown before
And Jove descending in a bloody show'r:
The god these wonders did in short unfold
Cæsar their ills no longer shou'd with-hold
Impatient of revenge, quit Gallick jars
And draw his conquering sword for civil wars
In cloudy Alps, where the divided rock
To cunning Grecians did its nerves unlock
Altars devoted to Alcides smoke
The temple with eternal ice is crown'd
Whose milky top so far in clouds is drown'd;
You'd think its shoulders in the heavens bound
Not the warm rays of a meridian sun
Or the hot southern winds can melt it down
So fixt with ice and snows it did appear
That its aspiring top the globe might bear
Here conquering Cæsar leads his joyful bands
And on the proudest cliff consid'ring stands
The distant plains of Italy surveys
And, hands and voice to heaven directed, says
Almighty Jove and you, Saturnia, found
Safe by my arms, oft with my triumph's crown'd
Witness these arms unwillingly I wear
Unwillingly I come to wage this war
Compell'd by injuries too great to bear
Banisht my country, while I make the flood
That laves the Rhine, run purple all with blood
While the Gauls, ripe our Rome to re-invade
I force to skulk behind their Alps afraid:
By conquering my banishment's secur'd
Are sixty triumphs not to be endur'd?
A German conquest reckon'd such a fault?
By whom is glory such a monster thought?
Or who the vile supporters of this war?
A foreign spawn, a mobb in arms appear
At once Rome's scandal, and at once her care
No slavish soul shall bind this arm with chains
And unreveng'd triumph it o're the plains
Bold with success still to new conquests lead
Come, my companions, thus my cause I'le plead
The sword shall plead our cause, for to us all
Does equal guilt, and equal danger, call:
Oblig'd by you I conquer'd, not alone
Since to be punisht is the victor's crown
Fortune invokt begin the offer'd war
My cause is pleaded when you bravely dare
With such an army, who success can fear
Thus Cæsar spoke: from the propitious sky
Descending eagles, boding victory
Drive the slow winds before 'em as they fly
From the left side of a dark wood proceed
Unwonted crys, which dying, flames succeed
The sun-beams with unusual brightness rise
And spread new glories round the gilded skies
New fir'd with omens of the promis'd day
Cæsar o're untrod mountain leads the way;
Where th' frozen earth o're-clad with ice and snows
At first not yielding to their horses blows
A dreadful quiet in dull stiffness shows
But when their trembling hoofs had burst the chain
And soften'd milky clouds of hardned rain;
So quick the melted snows to rivers run
That soon a deluge from the mountains sprung
But thus you'd think 'twere done by fates decrees
For the flood stopt, and billows rising freeze
And yielding waves but now are rocks of ice
The slippery passage now their feet betray
When soon in miserable heaps o' th' way
Men, horse, arms, in wild confusion lay
Now pregnant clouds, with whirling blasts are torn
And, bursting, are deliver'd of a storm:
Large stones of hail the troubl'd heavens shoot
That by tempestuous winds are whirl'd about;
So thick it pours, whole clouds of snow and hail
Like frozen billows, on their armour fall:
The earth lay vanquished under mighty snow
An icy damp the vanquisht heavens know
And vanquisht waters now no longer flow
Thus all but Cæsar yield; on his huge lance
The hero leaning, did secure advance
Alcmena's son did less securely rush
From the proud height of rising Caucasus;
Or Jove himself, when down the steep he prest
Those sons of earth, that durst his heaven molest
While raging Cæsar scales th' aspiring height
Big with the news, fame takes before her flight;
And from Mount Palatine approaching ills
To frighted Rome, thus dreadfully she tells:
A numerous fleet is riding o'er the main
The melted Alps are hid with Cæsar's train
That reeking from a German conquest come
And with a like destruction threaten Rome
Now arms, blood, death, and dismal scenes of war
Are to their eyes presented by their fear;
With dreadful thoughts of coming war possest
A wilder tumult raigns in every breast
This flys by land, and that the sea prefers
And thinks his native soil less safe appears
The souldier trusts the fortune of the wars
Prest by their fate, thus as they fear they run
'Midst these disorders, through th' abandon'd town:
A moving sight, wild tumults here and there
Follow the blind impulses of their fear
Vanquisht by rumour all, prepar'd for flight
Their much lamented habitations quit:
Trembling, this takes his children in his arms
And that protects his guardian gods from harm
Scar'd from their homes, unwillingly they go
And in their wishes stab the absent foe
Some bear their wives, amidst ten thousand fears
In sad imbrace; and some their aged sires:
The tender youth, unus'd to burdens, bear
Only that with 'em for which most they fear:
Some less discreet, strive to bear all away
And only for the foe prepare the prey
So in a storm when no sea-arts avail
To guide the ship with any certain sail;
Some bind the shatter'd mast, with thoughts secure
Others are swimming t'ward the peaceful shore;
While with full sails kind fortune these implore
But why do we of such small fears complain
With both the consuls greater Pompey ran
That Asia aw'd, in dire Hydaspes grown
The only rock, its pyrates split upon;
Whose third triumph o're earth made Jove afraid
Proud with success he'd next his Heaven invade:
To whom the ocean yielding honours gave
And rougher Bosphorus humbly still'd his wave
Yet he, of empires and of men the shame
Quitting the honour of a ruler's name
Meanly at once abandon'd Rome and fame
Now this to Heaven it self does fears impart
And the mild train of quiet gods depart;
Frighted with wars they quit the impious world
And leave mankind in wild confusion hurl'd
Fair Peace, as leader of the goodly train
Beating her snowy arms, did first complain;
A wreath of olives bound her drooping head
And to Hell's dark insatiate realms she fled
Justice and Faith on her attending went
And mournful Concord, with her garment rent
On th' other side from Hell's wide gaping jaws
A train of dire inhabitants arose:
Dreadful errings, fierce Bellona there
Fraud, and Megera arm'd with brands of fire
And th' gastly image of pale death appear:
Disorder'd Rage from all her fetters freed
Proudly 'midst these lifts her distracted head
And her hackt face with bloody helmet hid
On her left arm a target old and worn
Pierc'd with innumerable darts was born
And brands of fire supported in her right
The impious world with flames and ruin threat
The gods descending, leave their still abode
And the stars wondring miss their usual load;
For all the inhabitants of Heaven come
Choosing their sides, with factious fury down
For Cæsar first Dione does appear
Pallas and Mars with his huge brandisht spear;
Phœbe and Phœbus too for Cæsar came
And with Cyllenius, to fill the train
Alcides went, in all his acts the same
The trumpets sound, when from the Stygian shade
Wild Discord raises her disorder'd head;
From whose swoln eyes there ran a briny flood
And blood congeal'd otre all her visage stood;
Her hideous rows of brazen teeth were furr'd
A filthy gore there issu'd from her tongue
With snaky locks her guarded head was hung;
Rent and divided did her garb betray
The image of the breast on which it lay;
And brandisht flames her trembling hand obey
Thus from Hell's deeps she past with dire design
Up to the top of noble Appennine
From whose proud height she all the world descri'd
Earth, seas, and armies march on every side
And bursting out at length, with fury cry'd
Let murderous rage the world to arms inspire
That every nation may appear a fire:
No age or sex shall from the war be free
No subtle fear be a security
The earth it self shall tremble, and the shock
Make mountains cleft against each other knock
Marcellus guide the laws, Curior the crowd
Let Lentulus inspire the warlike god
But why is't Cæsar such slow measures takes?
Not scale the walls? Nor force th' aspiring gates
Nor to the town, nor to the treasure makes?
At Rome, if Pompey fears th' approaching foe
Let him to fatal Epidamnum go:
Fill all its plains with blood. Thus Discord said
And impious earth her black decrees obey'd."

When Eumolpus, with his usual freedom, had deliver'd himself of this
We arrived at Crotona, where having refresht our selves in a little
Inn, we took up at the next day, designing an enlargement of our house
And fortune, we fell into the company of some parasitical Corbacchio's
Who immediately enquir'd what we were and whence we came? When
According to our contrivance, prudently advancing our characters, we
Told the credulous parasites whence we came, and who we were. Upon
Which, immediately all their fortunes were at Eumolpus's feet, and
Each, to ingratiate himself into his favour, strove to exceed the rest
In presenting him

While this flood of fortune was for a long time flowing on us
Eumolpus, 'midst his happiness, having lost the memory of his former
Condition, so boasted his interest, that he affirm'd none in Crotona
Cou'd resist his desires; and that what e're crime any of us shou'd
Act, he had friends enough to wipe off the guilt

But, tho' our daily increasing riches, left my pamper'd body no desire
Unsatisfy'd; and tho' I flatter'd my self into an opinion that ill
Fortune had taken her last leave of me, yet not only the thoughts of
My present condition, but the means of getting to 't, wou'd oft break
In upon my joys, and bitter all the sweet. "And what," said I to
Myself, "if some one, wiser than the rest, shou'd dispatch a messenger
For Africk; shou'd not we soon be discover'd? What if the slave
Eumolpus, pickt up, glutted with his present happiness, shou'd betray
Us to his companions, and maliciously discover the whole cheat? We
Should then be put upon the strole again, and be oblig'd with shame to
Renew our former beggary. Heavens, how ill it fares with wicked
Lives! they ever expect the punishment they deserve."

Going out full of these thoughts to divert my concern, I resolv'd on a
Walk, but I had scarce got into a publick one, e're a pretty girl made
Up to me, and calling me Polyæmus, told me her lady wou'd be proud
Of an opportunity to speak with me

"You're mistaken, sweet-heart," return'd I, in a little heat, "I'm but
A servant, of another country too, and not worthy of so great a
Favour."

"No, sir," said she, "I have commands to you; but because you know
What you can do, you're proud; and if a lady wou'd receive a favour
From you, I see she must buy it: For to what end are all those
Allurements, forsooth? the curl'd hair, the complexion advanc'd by a
Wash, and the wanton roll of your eyes, the study'd air of your gate?
Unless by shewing your parts, to invite a purchaser? For my part I am
Neither a witch, nor a conjurer, yet can guess at a man by his
Physiognomy. And when I find a spark walking, I know his
Contemplation. To be short, sir, if so be you are one of them that
Sell their ware, I'll procure you a merchant; but if you're a
Courteous lender, confer the benefit. As for your being a servant
And below, as you say, such a favour, it increases the flames of her
That's dying for you. 'Tis the wild extravagance of some women to be
In love with filth, nor can be rais'd to an appetite but by the
Charms, forsooth of some slave or lacquy; some can be pleased with
Nothing but the strutting of a prize-fighter with a hackt-face, and a
Red ribbon in his shirt: Or an actor betray'd to prostitute himself on
Th' stage, by the vanity of showing his pretty shapes there; of this
Sort is my lady; who indeed," added she, "prefers the paultry lover of
The upper gallery, with his dirty face, and oaken staff, to all the
Fine gentlemen of the boxes, with their patches, gunpowder-spots, and
Tooth-pickers." When pleas'd with the humour of her talk, "I beseech
You, child," said I, "are you the she that's so in love with my
Person?" Upon which the maid fell into a fit of laughing. "I wou'd
Not," return'd she, "have you so extreamly flatter your self. I never
Yet truckl'd to a waiter, nor will Venus allow I shou'd imbrace a
Gibbet. You must address your self to ladies that kiss the ensigns of
Slavery; be assur'd that I, though a servant, have too fine a taste to
Converse with any below a knight." I was amaz'd at the relation of
Such unequal passions, and thought it miraculous to find a servant
With the scornful pride of a lady, and a lady with the humility of a
Servant

Our pleasant discourse continuing, I desir'd her to bring her lady:
She readily consented, and taking hold of her petticoats, tript it
Into a lawrel labyrinth, that border'd on the walk; 'twas not long
E're she usher'd her lady to me; a beauty excelling even the flattery
Of painters; words can't express so perfect a creature; whatever I
Shou'd say of her wou'd fall short of what she was. Her hair spread
All o're her shoulders, and seem'd in easie curls to wanton in the
Air. Her forehead oval, and that naturally inclin'd the hair to its
Advantage. The proportion of her eye-brows was most correct. Her
Eyes eclypst the glory of the brightest star. Her nose had an easie
Turn, and mouth was such Pragiteless believ'd Venus had. Then her
Chin, her neck, her arms, and feet, gently girt with embroider'd
Sandals, to whose whiteness the Parian marble wou'd serve but as a
Foil. 'Twas then I began to despise my old mistress Doris. And thus
Broke out:

"Sure amorous Jove's a holy tale above;
With fancy'd arts that wait upon his love
When we are blest with such a charm as this
And he no rival of our happiness:
How well the bull wou'd now the god become:
Or his grey-hairs to be transform'd to down?
Here's Danae's self, a touch from her wou'd fire
And make the god in liquid joys expire."

She was pleas'd, and smil'd with such an air, that, she seem'd like
The moon in all her glories breaking through a cloud, when addressing
Her self, her pretty fingers humouring the turn of her voice, "If a
Fine woman, and that but this year, has been acquaint'd with a man,"
Said she, "may deserve your love, let me commend a mistress to you. I
Am sensible you have a comrade already, nor have I thought it below me
To inquire it: But why not a mistress too? I enter the list on the
Same bottom with your comrade; nor do I desire to engross all the
Caresses; only think me deserving, and confer them as you please."

"Let me beseech you, madam," return'd I, "by all those cupids in your
Face and meen, not to scorn to admit a stranger into the number of
Your admirers. You'l find him most religious, if you accept his
Devotions, and that you shou'd not suspect I believe the way to this
Heaven, unlike all others, may be trod gratis, I present you with my
Comrade."

"What?" said she, "do you give him without whom you cou'd not live?
On whose lips your very being hangs? Whom you so love, as I cou'd
You." Her words were attended with such a grace at their delivery
And the sweet sound so, charm'd the yielding air, you wou'd have
Sworne some syren had been breathing melodies. Thus rapt with every
Thing so amazing, and fancying a glory shin'd in every part, I
Ventur'd to enquire what name the goddess own'd? "My maid, I
Perceive," said she, "has not inform'd you, I am call'd Circe; I would
Not have you believe tho, I bear that name, that I derive my original
From Apollo; nor that my mother, while she lay in the god's imbraces
Held the fiery steeds: Yet I shall know enough of heaven, if fate will
Give you to my arms. And who knows the dark decrees? Therefore come
My dear, and crown my wishes. Nor need you fear any malicious
Disturbance of our joys. Your comrade is far enough from hence."

Upon which she threw her downy arms about me, and led me to a plat of
Ground, the pride of nature, deckt with a gay variety of every
Pleasing object

On Ida's top, when Jove his nymph carest
And lawless in open view exprest:
His Mother Earth in all her charms was seen
The rose, the violet, the sweet jessamin
And the fair lily smiling on the green
Such was the plat on which my Venus lay
But secret our love, more glorious the day
When all around was bright, and as the nymph as gay

Here we prepar'd for battel, and through ten thousand kisses prest to
A closer engagement; but a sudden weakness rob'd me of my arms. Thus
Cheated in her expectations, she highly resenting it, asks whether her
Lips, her breath, or some ill scent of any part of her, offended me
Or, if none of those, whether I fear'd Gito?

I was so asham'd of my self, that if there was any spark of the man
Left in me, I lost it. And finding every part of me feeble, and as it
Were lifeless: "I beseech you, madam," said I, "don't triumph over my
Misery; I'm surely bewitcht."

So slight an excuse could not allay her resentment, but giving me a
Disdainful glance, she turn'd to her maid, and, "I prithee Chrysis,"
Said she, "be free with me, don't flatter your mistress. Is there any
Thing misbecoming or ungentle about me? Or have I us'd art to hide
Any natural deformity? I don't know how you've drest me to-day."

Upon which, e're Chrysis cou'd make a return, she snatcht a
Pocket-glass from her, and after she had practis'd all her looks, to
Try if any appear'd less charming than before, she took hold of her
Petticoats that were a little rumpled with lying on, and immediately
Ran to a neighbouring temple dedicated to Venus

I could not tell what to say or do, but as if I had seen a vision, at
Last began with horror to consider whether I had been rob'd of any
Real joy

So when a dream our wandring eyes betrays
And to our side some hidden gold conveys;
Our busie hands the inviting treasure seize
And hid in guilty folds the fancy'd prize
Sweating we fear lest any conscious spy
Might search our bosom, and the theft descry
But with our sieep when all our joys are o're
And minds restor'd to what they were before
Concern'd, we wish the fancy'd loss regain'd
And with the image still are entertain'd

This misfortune might make me justly think it not only a true vision
But real witchcraft; for I had so long lost my strength I cou'd not
Rise: My mind at last, a little freed, began by degrees to recover its
Vigour, upon which I went to my lodging, and dissembling a faintness
Lay down on the bed. A little after Gito, being inform'd I was ill
Came to me, much troubl'd; but to allay his concern, I told him I was
Only a little weary, and had a mind for a nap. Several things I talkt
To him of, but not a word of my last adventure, for I was afraid
Because I knew he envy'd every one that had a charm for me, and to
Prevent his suspicion, throwing my arms about him, I endeavour'd to
Give a proof of my love; but disappointed of the expectation I had
Rais'd him to, he rose very angry from my side, and accusing my
Weakness, and strange behaviour to him, told me that of late he had
Found my chief favours were bestow'd in another's arms

"My love to you, Gito," said I, "has ever been the same, but now my
Dancing-days submit to reason."

"Therefore," said he, laughing at me, "in the name of Socrates, I
Thank you, because like him, you propose to love me: Alcibiades
Encolpius, did not rise a virgin from that philosopher's side."

"Then," added I, "believe me, Gito, I hardly know I've any thing of
Man about me, how useless lyes the terrible part, where once I was
Achilles."

When he found how unfit I was to confer the favours he wanted, and to
Prevent suspicion, of his privacy with me, he jumpt up and ran to
Another part of the house

He was hardly gone, e're Chrysis enter'd my chamber, and gave me a
Billet from her mistress, in which I found this written:

"Had I rais'd my expectation, I might deceiv'd complain; now I'm
Obliged to your impotence, that has made me sensible how much too long
I have trifl'd with mistaken hopes of pleasure. Tell me, sir, how you
Design to bestow your self, and whether you dare rashly venture home
On your own legs? for no physician ever allow'd it cou'd be done
Without strength. Let me advise your tender years to beware of a
Palsie: I never saw any body in such danger before. On my conscience
You are just going! and shou'd the same rude chilliness seize your
Other parts, I might be soon, alas! put upon the severe trial of
Weeping at your funeral. But if you would not suspect me of not being
Sincere, tho' my resentment can't equal the injury, yet I shall not
Envy the cure of a weak unhappy wretch. If you wou'd recover your
Strength, ask Gito, or rather not ask him for't--I can assure a return
Of your vigour if you cou'd sleep three nights alone: As to myself I
Am not in the least apprehensive of appearing to another less charming
Than I have to you. I am told neither my glass nor report does
Flatter me. Farewell, if you can."

When Chrysis found I had read the reproach, "This is the custom, sir,"
Said she, "and chiefly of this city, where the women are skill'd in
Magick-charms, enough to make the moon confess their power, therefore
The recovery of any useful instrument of love becomes their care; 'tis
Only writing some soft tender things to my lady, and you make her
Happy in a kind return. For 'tis confest, since her disappointment
She has not been her self." I readily consented, and calling for
Paper, thus addrest myself:

"'Tis confest, madam, I have often sinned, for I'm not only a man, but
A very young one, yet never left the field so dishonourably before
You have at your feet a confessing criminal, that deserves whatever
You inflict: I have cut a throat, betray'd my country, committed
Sacrilege; if a punishment for any of these will serve, I am ready to
Receive sentence. If you fancy my death, I wait you with my sword;
But if a beating will content you, I fly naked to your arms. Only
Remember, that 'twas not the workman, but his instruments that fail'd:
I was ready to engage, but wanted arms. Who rob'd me of them I know
Not; perhaps my eager mind outrun my body; or while with an unhappy
Haste I aim'd at all; I was cheated with abortive joys. I only know I
Don't know what I've done: You bid me fear a palsie, as if the diseast
Cou'd do greater that has already rob'd me of that, by which I shou'd
Have purchas'd you. All I have to say for my self, is this, that I
Will certainly pay with interest the arrears of love, if you allow me
Time to repair my misfortune."

Having sent back Chrysis with this answer, to encourage my jaded body
After the bath and strengthening oyles, had a little rais'd me, I
Apply'd my self to strong meats, such as strong broths and eggs, using
Wine very moderately; upon which to settle my self, I took a little
Walk, and returning to my chamber, slept that night without Gito; so
Great was my care to acquit my self honourably with my mistress, that
I was afraid he might have tempted my constancy, by tickling my side

The next day rising without prejudice, either to my body or spirits, I
Went, tho' I fear'd the place was ominous, to the same walk, and
Expected Chrysis to conduct me to her mistress; I had not been long
There, e're she came to me, and with her a little old woman. After
She had saluted me, "What, my nice Sir Courtly," said she, "does your
Stomach begin to come to you?"

At what time, the old woman, drawing from her bosome, a wreath of many
Colours, bound my neck; and having mixt spittle and dust, she dipt her
Finger in't, and markt my fore-head, whether I wou'd or not

When this part of the charm was over, she made me spit thrice, and as
Often prest to my bosom enchanted stones, that she had wrapt in
Purple; Admotisque manibus temptare coepit inguinum vives. Dicto
Citius nervi paruerunt imperio manusque aniculae ingenti motu
Repleverunt. At illa gaudio exsultans, "vides," inquit, "Chrysis mea
Vides quod aliis leporem excitavi?"

Never despair; Priapus I invoke
To help the parts that make his altars smoke

After this, the old woman presented me to Chrysis; who was very glad
She had recover'd her mistress's treasure; and therefore hastening to
Her, she conducted me to a most pleasant retreat, deckt with all that
Nature cou'd produce to please the sight

Where lofty plains o're-spread a summer shade
And well-trimm'd pines their shaking tops display'd
Where Daphne 'midst the cyprus crown'd her head
Near these, a circling river gently flows
And rolls the pebbles as it murmuring goes;
A place design'd for love, the nightingale
And other wing'd inhabitants can tell
That on each bush salute the coming day
And in their orgyes sing its hours away

She was in an undress, reclining on a flowry bank, and diverting her
Self with a myrtle branch; as soon as I appear'd, she blusht, as
Mindful of her disappointment: Chrysis, very prudently withdrew, and
When we were left together, I approacht the temptation; at what time
She skreen'd my face with the myrtle, and as if there had been a wall
Between us, becoming more bold; "what, my chill'd spark," began she
"have you brought all your self to day?"

"Do you ask, madam," I return'd, "rather than try?" And throwing my
Self to her, that with open arms was eager to receive me, we kist a
Little age away; when giving the signal to prepare for other joys, she
Drew me to a more close imbrace; and now, our murmuring kisses their
Sweet fury tell; now, our twining limbs, try'd each fold of love; now
Lockt in each others arms, our bodies and our souls are join'd; but
Even here, alas! even amidst these sweet beginnings, a sudden
Chilliness prest upon my joys, and made me leave 'em not compleat

Circe, enrag'd to be so affronted, had recourse to revenge, and
Calling the grooms that belong'd to the house, made them give me a
Warming; nor was she satisfi'd with this, but calling all the
Servant-wenches, and meanest of the house, she made 'em spit upon me
I hid my head as well as I cou'd, and, without begging pardon, for I
Knew what I had deserv'd, am turn'd out of doors, with a large retinue
Of kicks and spittle: Proselenos, the old woman was turn'd out too
And Chrysis beaten; and the whole family wondering with themselves
Enquir'd the cause of their lady's disorder

I hid my bruises as well as I cou'd, lest my rival Eumolpus might
Sport with my shame, or Gito be concern'd at it; therefore as the only
Way to disguise my misfortune, I began to dissemble sickness, and
Having got in bed, to revenge my self of that part of me, that had
Been the cause of all my misfortunes; when taking hold of it

With dreadful steel, the part I wou'd have lopt
Thrice from my trembling hand the razor dropt
Now, what I might before, I could not do
For cold as ice the fearful thing withdrew;
And shrunk behind a wrinkled canopy
Hiding his head from my revenge and me
Thus, by his fear, I'm baulkt of my design
When I in words more killing vent my spleen

At what time, raising myself on the bed, in this or like manner, I
Reproacht the sullen impotent: With what face can you look up, thou
Shame of heaven and man? that can'st not be seriously mention'd. Have
I deserv'd from you, when rais'd within sight of heavens of joys, to
Be struck down to the lowest hell? To have a scandal fixt on the very
Prime and vigour of my years, and to be reduc'd to the weakness of an
Old man? I beseech you, sir, give me an epitaph on my departed
Vigour; tho' in a great heat I had thus said

He still continu'd looking on the ground
Nor more, at this had rais'd his guilty head
Than th' drooping poppy on its tender stalk

Nor when I had done, did I less repent of my ridiculous passion, and
With a conscious blush, began to think, how unaccountable it was, that
Forgetting all shame, I shou'd contend with that part of me, that all
Men of sence, reckon not worth their thoughts. A little after
Relapsing to my former humour: But what's the crime, began I, if by a
Natural complaint I was eas'd of my grief? or how is it, that we blame
Our stomachs or bellies, when 'tis our heads that are distemper'd?
Did not Ulysses beat his breast, as if that had disturb'd him? And
Don't we see the actors punish their eyes, as if they heard the
Tragick scene? Those that have the gout in their legs, swear at them;
Those that have it in their fingers, do so by them: Those that have
Sore eyes, are angry with their eyes

Why do the strickt-liv'd Cato's of the age
At my familiar lines so gravely rage?
In measures loosly plain, blunt satyr flows
And all the people so sincerely shows
For whose a stranger to the joys of love?
Who, can't the thoughts of such lost pleasures move?
Such Epicurus own'd the chiefest bliss
And such lives the gods themselves possess

There's nothing more deceitful than a ridiculous opinion, nor more
Ridiculous, than an affected gravity. After this, I call'd Gito to
Me; and "tell me," said I, "but sincerely, whether Ascyltos, when he
Took you from me, pursu'd the injury that night, or was chastly
Content to lye alone?" The boy with his finger at his eyes, took a
Solemn oath, that he had no incivility offer'd him by Ascyltos

This drove me to my wits end, nor did I well know what to say: For
Why, I consider'd, shou'd I think of the twice mischievous accident
That lately befell me? At last, I did what I cou'd to recover my
Vigour: and willing to invoke the assistance of the gods, I went out
To pay my devotions to Priapus, and as wretched as I was, did not
Despair, but kneeling at the entry of the chamber, thus beseecht the
God:

"Bacchus and Nymphs delight, O mighty God!
Whom Cynthia gave to rule the blooming wood
Lesbos and verdant Thasos thee adore
And Lydians, in loose flowing dress implore
And raise devoted temples to thy power
Thou Dryad's joy, and Bacchus's guardian, hear
My conscious prayer, with an attentive ear
My hands with guiltless blood I never stain'd
Or sacrilegiously the gods prophan'd
To feeble me, restoring blessings send
I did not thee, with my whole self offend
Who sins thro' weakness is less guilty thought
Be pacify'd, and spare a venial fault
On me, when smiling fate shall smiling gifts bestow
I'll not ungrateful to thy godhead go
A destin'd goat shall on thy altar lye
And the horn'd parent of my flock shall dye
A sucking pig appease thy injur'd shrine
And hallow'd bowls o're-flow with generous wine
Then thrice thy frantick votaries shall round
Thy temple dance, with youth and garlands crown'd
In holy drunkenness thy orgies sound."

While I was thus at prayers, an old woman, with her hair about her
Eyes, and disfigur'd with a mournful habit, coming in, disturb'd my
Devotions; when taking hold of me, she drew all fear out of the entry;
And "what hag," said she, "has devour'd your manhood? Or what ominous
Carcase have you stumbl'd over in your nightly walks? You have not
Acquitted your self above a boy; but faint, weak, and like a horse
O'recharg'd in a steep, tyr'd have lost your toyl and sweat; nor
Content to sin alone, but have unreveng'd against me, provokt the
Offended gods?"

When leading me, obedient to all her commands, a second time to the
Cell of a neighbouring priestess of Priapus, she threw me upon the
Bed, and taking up a stick that fastened the door, reveng'd her self
On me, that very patiently receiv'd her fury: and at the first stroak
If the breaking of the stick had not lessned its force, she might have
Broke my head and arm

I groan'd, and hiding with my arm my head, in a flood of tears lean'd
On the pillow: Nor did she then, less troubled, sit on the bed, and
Began in a shrill voice, to blame her age, till the priestess came in
Upon us; and "what," said she, "do you do in my chappel, as if some
Funeral had lately been, rather than a holy-day, in which, even the
Mournful are merry?"

"Alas, my Enothea!" said she, "this youth was born under an ill star;
For neither boy nor maid can raise him to a perfect appetite; you
Ne're beheld a more unhappy man: In his garden the weak willow, not
The lusty cedar grows; in short, you may guess what he is, that cou'd
Rise unblest from Circe's bed."

Upon this, Enothea fixt her self between us, and moving her head a
While; "I," said she, "am the only one that can give remedy for that
Disease; and not to delay it, let him sleep with me to night; and next
Morning, examine how vigorous I shall have made him

"'All Nature's works my magick powers obey
The blooming earth shall wither and decay
And when I please, agen be fresh and gay
From rugged rocks, I make sweet waters flow
And raging billows to me humbly bow
With rivers, winds, when I command, obey
And at my feet, their fans contracted lay
Tygers and dragons too, my will obey
But these are small, when of my magick verse
Descending Cynthia does the power confess
When my commands, make trembling Phœbus reign
His fiery steeds, their journey back again
Such power have charms, by whose prevailing aid
The fury of the raging bulls was laid
The Heaven-born Circe, with her magic song
Ulysses's men, did into monsters turn
Proteus, with this assum'd, what shape he wou'd
I, who this art so long have understood
Can send proud Ida's top into the main
And make the billows bear it up again.'"

I shook with fear at such a romantick promise, and began more
Intensively to view the old woman: Upon which, she cry'd out, "O
Enothea, be as good as your word"; when, carefully wiping her hands
She lay down on the bed, and half smother'd me with kisses

Enothea, in the middle of the altar, plac'd a turf-table, which she
Heapt with burning coals, and her old crack cup (for sacrifice)
Repair'd with temper'd pitch; when she had fixt it to the
Smoaking-wall from which she took it; putting on her habit, she plac'd
A kettle by the fire, and took down a bag that hung near her, in
Which, a bean was kept for that use, and a very aged piece of a hog's
Forehead, with the print of a hundred cuts out; when opening the bag
She threw me a part of the bean, and bid me carefully strip it. I
Obey her command, and try, without daubing my fingers, to deliver the
Grain from its nasty coverings; but she, blaming my dullness, snatcht
It from me, and skilfully tearing its shells with her teeth, spit the
Black morsels from her, that lay like dead flies on the ground. How
Ingenious is poverty, and what strange arts will hunger teach? The
Priestess seem'd so great a lover of this sort of life, that her
Humour appear'd in every thing about her, and her hut might be truly
Term'd, sacred to poverty

Here shines no glittering ivory set with gold
No marble covers the deluded mold
By its own wealth deluded; but the shrine
With simple natural ornaments does shine
Round Cere's bower, but homely willows grow
Earthen are all the sacred bowls they know
Osier the dish, sacred to use divine:
Both course and stain'd, the jug that holds the wine
Mud mixt with straw, make a defending fort
The temple's brazen studs, are knobs of dirt
With rush and reed, is thatcht the hut it self
Where, besides what is on a smoaky shelf
Ripe service-berries into garlands bound
And savory-bunches with dry'd grapes are found
Such a low cottage Hecale confin'd
Low was her cottage, but sublime her mind
Her bounteous heart, a grateful praise shall crown
And muses make immortal her renown

After which, she tasted of the flesh, and hanging the rest, old as her
Self, on the hook again; the rotten stool on which she was mounted
Breaking, threw her into the fire, her fall spilt the kettle, and what
It held put out the fire; she burnt her elbow, and all her face was
Hid with the ashes that her fall had rais'd

Thus disturb'd, I arose, and laughing, took her up; immediately, lest
Any thing shou'd hinder the offering, she ran for new fire to the
Neighbourhood, and had hardly got to the door, e're I was set upon by
Three sacred geese, that daily, I believe, about that time were fed by
The old woman; they made an hideous noise, and, surrounding me, one
Tears my coat, another my shoes, while their furious captain made
Nothing of doing so by my legs; till seeing my self in danger, I began
To be in earnest, and snatching up one of the feet of our little
Table, made the valiant animal feel my arm'd hand; nor content with a
Slight blow or two, but reveng'd my self with its death

Such were the birds Alcides did subdue
That from his conquering arm t'ward Heaven flew:
Such sure the harpyes were which poyson strow'd
On cheated Phineus's false deluding food
Loud lamentations shake the trembling air
The powers above the wild confusion share
Horrours disturb the orders of the sky
And frighted stars beyond their courses fly

By this time the other two had eat up the pieces of the bean that lay
Scatter'd on the floor, and having lost their leader, return'd to the
Temple. When glad of the booty and my revenge, I heal'd the slight
Old woman's anger, I design'd to make off; and taking up my cloaths
Began my march; nor had I reacht the door, e're I saw Enothea bringing
In her hand an earthen pot fill'd with fire; upon which I retreated
And throwing down my cloaths, fixt my self in the entry, as if I were
Impatiently expecting her coming

Enothea, entring, plac'd the fire, that with broken sticks she had got
Together, and having heapt more wood upon those, began to excuse her
Stay, that her friend wou'd not let her go before she had, against the
Laws of drinking, taken off three healths together. When looking
About her, "What," said she, "have you been doing in my absence?
Where's the bean?"

I, who thought I had behav'd my self very honourably, told her the
Whole fight; and to end her grief for the loss of her bean, presented
The goose: when I shew'd the goose, the old woman set up such an
Out-cry, that you wou'd have thought the geese were re-entring the
Place

In confusion and amaz'd at so strange a humour, I askt the meaning of
Her passion? or why she pity'd the goose rather than me

But wringing her hands, "you wicked wretch," said she, "d'ye speak
Too? D'ye know what you've done? You've killed the gods delight, a
Goose the pleasure of all matrons: And, lest you shou'd think your
Self innocent, if a magistrate shou'd hear of it, you'd be hang'd
You have defil'd with blood my cell, that to this day had been
Inviolate. You have done that, for which, if any's so malicious, he
May expel me my office."

She said, and trembling, rends her aged hairs
And both her cheeks with wilder fury tears:
Sad murmurs from her troubl'd breast arise
A shower of tears there issu'd from her eyes
And down her face a rapid deluge run
Such as is seen, when a hills frosty crown
By warm Favonius is melted down

Upon which, "I beseech you," said I, "don't grieve, I'll recompence
The loss of your goose with an ostrich."

While amaz'd I spoke, she sat down on the bed, lamented her loss; at
What time Proselenos came in with the sacrifice, and viewing the
Murder'd goose, and enquiring the cause, began very earnestly to cry
And pity me, as it had been a father, not a goose I had slain. But
Tired with this stuff, "I beseech ye," said I, "tell me, tho' it had
Been a man I kill'd, won't gold wipe off the guilt? See here are two
Pieces of gold: with these you may purchase gods as well as geese."

Which, when Enothea beheld, "Pardon me, young man," said she, "I am
Only concern'd for your safety, which is an argument of love, not
Hatred; therefore we'll take what care we can to prevent a discovery:
You have nothing to do, but intreat the gods to forgive the sin."

"Who e're has money may securely sail
On all things with all-mighty gold prevail
May Danae wed, or rival amo'rous Jove
And make her father pandar to his love
May be a poet, preacher, lawyer too:
And bawling win the cause he does not know:
And up to Cato's fame for wisdom grow
Wealth without law will gain at bar renown
How e're the case appears, the cause is won
Every rich lawyer is a Littleton
In short of all you wish you are possest
All things prevent the wealthy man's request
For Jove himself's the treasure of his chest."

While my thoughts were thus engag'd, she plac'd a cup of wine under my
Hands, and having cleans'd my prophane extended fingers with sacred
Leeks and parsley, threw into the wine, with some ejaculation
Hazel-nuts, and as they sunk or swam gave her judgment; but I well
Knew the empty rotten ones wou'd swim, and those of entire kernels go
To the bottom

When applying herself to the goose, from its breast she drew a lusty
Liver, and then told me my future fortune. But that no mark of the
Murder might be left, she fixt the rent goose to a spit, which, as she
Said, she had fatten'd a little before, as sensible it was to die

In the mean time the wine went briskly round, and now the old women
Gladly devour the goose, they so lately lamented; when they had pickt
Its bones, Enothea, half drunk, turn'd to me; "and now," said she
"I'll finish the charm that recovers your strength": When drawing out
A leathern ensign of Priapus, she dipt it in a medley of oyl, small
Pepper, and the bruis'd seed of nettles, paulatim coepit inserere ano
Meo. Hoc crudelissima anus spurgit subinde umore femina mea
Nasturcii sucum cum abrotano miscet perfusisque inguinibus meis
Viridis urticae fascem comprehendit, omniaque infra umbilicum coepit
Lenta mann caedere. Upon which jumping from her, to avoid the sting
I made off. The old woman in a great rage pursu'd me, and tho' drunk
With wine, and their more hot desires, took the right way: and
Follow'd me through two or three villages, crying stop thief; but with
My hands all bloody, in the hasty flight, I got off

When I got home, to ease my wearied limbs, I went to bed, but the
Thoughts of my misfortunes would not let me sleep; when considering
How unparallel'd a wretch I was, I cry'd out, "Did my ever cruel
Fortune want the afflictions of love to make me more miserable? O
Unhappiness! Fortune and love conspire my ruin. Severer love spares
Me no way, or loving, or belov'd a wretch: Chrysis adores me, and is
Ever giving me occasion to address: She, that when she brought me to
Her mistress, despis'd me for my mean habit as one beneath her
Desires; that very Chrysis that so scorn'd my former fortune, pursues
This even with the hazard of her own; and swore, when she first
Discover'd to me the violence of her love, that she wou'd be ever true
To me. But Circe's in possession of my heart, I value none but her
And indeed who wears such charms? Compar'd to her, what was Ariadne
Or Lyda? what Helen, or even Venus? Paris himself the umpire of the
Wanton nymphs, if with these eyes he had seen her contending for the
Golden apple, wou'd have given both his Helen and the goddesses for
Her. If I might be admitted to kiss her sweet lips again, or once
More press her divinely rising breasts, perhaps my vigour wou'd
Revive, which now I believe lyes opprest by witchcraft. I shou'd
Dispense with my reproaches, shou'd forget that I was beat; esteem my
Being turn'd out of doors, a sport; so I might be again happy in her
Favours."

These thoughts and the image of the beautiful Circe so rais'd my mind
That I oft, as if my love was in my arms, with a great deal of
Fruitless ardour, hug'd the bed-cloaths, till out of patience with the
Lasting affliction I began to reproach my impotence; yet recovering my
Presence of mind, I flew for comfort to the misfortunes of ancient
Hero's, and thus broke out:

"Not only me th' avenging gods pursue
Oft they their anger on their hero's throw;
By Juno's rage Alcides Heaven bore
And Pelia's injur'd Juno knew before
Leomedon Heaven's dire resentments felt
And Telephus's blood washt out his guilt
We cannot from the wrathful godhead run
Crafty Ulysses cou'd not Neptune shun
Provokt Priapus o're the land and sea
Has left his Hellespont to follow me."

Full of anxious cares I spent the night: and Gito, inform'd that I lay
At home, enter'd my chamber by day-break, when having passionately
Complain'd of my loose life, he told me the family took much notice of
My behaviour, that I was seldom in waiting, and that perhaps the
Company I kept wou'd be my ruin

By this I understood he was inform'd of my affairs; and that some one
Had been in pursuit of me; upon which I ask't my Gito whether any body
Was to enquire for me. "Not this day," said he, "but yesterday there
Came a very pretty woman, who, when she had tir'd me with a long
Sifting discourse; at last told me you deserv'd to be punisht, and
Shou'd as a slave, if you longer complain'd."

This so sensibly touch'd me, that I began afresh to reproach fortune:
Nor had I done, e're Chrysis came in, and wildly throwing her arms
About me: "Now," said she, "I'll hold my wish, you're my love, my joy;
Nor may you think to quench this flame, but by a more close embrace."

I was much disturb'd at Chrysis's wantonness, and gave her fair
Language, to get rid of her; for I was very apprehensive of the danger
Of Eumolpus's hearing it, since his good fortune had made him so
Proud. I did therefore what I could to appease her rage; I dissembl'd
Love, whisper'd soft things, and in short manag'd it so like a lover
That she believ'd me one. I made her understand in what danger we
Both were, if she shou'd be found with me in that place, and that our
Lord Eumolpus punisht the least offence. Upon which she immediately
Made out, and the more hastily, because she saw Gito returning, who
Had left me a little before she came

She was scarce out, when on a sudden one of the slaves came to me, and
Told me that our lord so highly resented my two days absence, that
Unless, as he advised me, I invented a good excuse to allay his heat
I shou'd certainly be punish'd

Gito perceiving how concern'd I was, spoke not a word of the woman
But advis'd me to behave myself merrily to Eumolpus, rather than
Serious. I pursu'd the counsel, and put on so pleasant a face that he
Receiv'd me in drollery, without the grave stiffness of a master. He
Was pleasant on the success of my amours; prais'd my meen and wit that
Was so agreeable to the ladies: and "I'm no stranger," said he, "to
Your love of a very beautiful lady. But now, Encolpius, that rightly
Manag'd, may turn to our advantage; therefore do you personate the
Lover, I'll continue the character I've begun."

Matrona inter primas honesta, Philomela nomine quae multas saepe
Hereditates officio aetati extorserat, tum anus et floris extincti
Filium filiamque ingerebat orbis senibus, et per hanc successionem
Artem suam perseverabat extendere. Ea ergo ad Eumolpum venit et
Commendare liberos suos eius prudentiae bonitatique . . . credere se
Et vota sua. Illum esse solum in toto orbe terrarum, qui praeceptis
Etiam salubribus instruere iuvenes quotidie posset. Ad summam
Relinquere se pueros in domo Eumolpi, ut illum loquentem audirent:
Quae sola posset hereditas iuvenibus dari. Nec aliter fecit ac
Dixerat, filiamque speciosissimam cum fratre ephebo in cubiculo
Reliquit simulavitque se in templum ire ad vota nuncupanda. Eumolpus
Qui tam frugi erat ut illi etiam ego puer viderer, non distulit
Puellam invitare ad pigiciaca sacra. Sed et podagricum se esse
Lumborumque solutorum omnibus dixerat, et si non servasset integram
Simulationem, periclitabatur totam paene tragoediam evertere. Itaque
Ut constaret mendacio fides, puellam quidem exoravit, ut sederet super
Commendatam bonitatem, Coraci autem imperavit ut lectum, in quo ipse
Iacebat, subiret positisque in pavimento manibus dominum lumbis suis
Commoveret. Ille lente parebat imperio puellaque artificium pari motu
Remunerabat. Cum ergo res ad affectum spectaret, clara Eumolpus voce
Exhortabatur Coraca, ut spissaret officium. Sic inter mercennarium
Amicamque positus senex veluti oscillatione ludebat. Hoc semel
Iterumque ingenti risu, etiam suo, Eumolpus fecerat. Itaque ego
Quoque, ne desidia consuetudinem perderem, dum frater sororis suae
Automata per clostellum miratur, accessi temptaturus, an pateretur
Iniuriam. Nec se reiciebat a blanditiis doctissimus puer, sed me
Numen inimicum ibi quoque invenit

I was not so concern'd at this as the former; for a little after my
Strength return'd, and finding my self more vigorous, I cry'd out, the
Courteous gods are greater that have made me whole again. For
Mercury, that conveys and reconveys our souls, by his favours has
Restor'd what his anger had seiz'd: Now I shall be in as great esteem
As Protesilaus or any of the antients. Upon which taking up my
Cloaths, I shew'd my whole self to Eumolpus, he startl'd at first, but
Soon, to confirm his belief, with both hands chaf'd the mighty favour
Of the gods

This great blessing makes us merry, we laughed at Philumene's cunning
And her childrens experience in the art, which wou'd profit 'em little
With us; for to no other end were they left, but to be heirs to what
We had. When reflecting on this sordid manner of deceiving childless
Age, I took occasion to consider the condition of our present fortune
And told Eumolpus that the deceivers might be deceiv'd, that therefore
All our actions shou'd be of a piece with the character we bore
"That Socrates, the wisest of men, us'd to boast he never saw a
Tavern, nor ever had been in the common company that frequents such
Places. That nothing was more convenient than a discreet behaviour
All these are truths, nor shou'd any sort of men," added I, "more
Expect the sudden assaults of ill fortune, than those that covet
What's other men's. But how should pick-pockets live, unless, by some
Well order'd trick, to draw fools together, they get imployment? As
Fish are taken with what they really eat, so men are to be cheated
With something that's solid, not empty hope; thus the people of this
Country have hitherto receiv'd us very nobly: but when they find the
Arrival of no ship from Africk, laden, as you told 'em, with riches
And your retinue, the impatient deceivers, will lessen their bounty;
Therefore, or I'm mistaken, our fortune begins to repent her favours."

"I have thought of a means," said Eumolpus, "to make our deceivers
Continue their care of us." And drawing his will out of his purse
Thus read the last lines of it

"All that have legacies in this my last will and testament, my freed
Men excepted, receives 'em on these conditions, that they divide my
Body, and eat it before the people. And that they may not think it an
Unjust demand, let them know, that to this day 'tis the custom of many
Countries, that the relations of the dead devour the carcase; and for
That reason they often quarrel with their sick kindred, because they
Spoil their flesh by lingering in a disease. I only instance this to
My friends, that they may not refuse to perform my will; but with the
Same sincerity they wisht well to my soul, they might devour my body."

When he had read the chief articles, some that were more intimately
Acquainted with him, enter'd the chamber, and viewing the will
Earnestly intreated him to impart the contents of it; he readily
Consented and read the whole. But when they heard the necessity of
Eating the carcass, they seem'd much concern'd at the strange
Proposal; but their insatiate love of the money made 'em stifle their
Passion, and his person was so awful to 'em, they durst not complain
But one of 'em, Gorgias by name, briskly told him he was willing to
Accept the conditions, so he might not wait for the body

To this Eumolpus, "I'm not in the least apprehensive of your
Performance, nor that your stomach wou'd refuse the task, when to
Recompense one distasteful minute you promise ages of luxury. 'Tis
But shutting your eyes, and supposing instead of man's flesh you were
Eating an hundred sesterces. Some sauce may be added to vary the
Tast; for no flesh pleases alone, but is prepar'd by art to commend it
To the stomach. If you desire instances of this kind, to make ye
Approve my advice; the Saguntines when they were besieg'd by Hannibal
Eat humane bodies, without the hopes of an estate for doing it. The
Petavii reduc'd to the last extremity did the like; nor had they
Further hopes in this banquet than to satisfie nature. When Scipio
Took Numanita, mothers were found with their children half eaten in
Their arms. But since the thoughts only of eating man's flesh create
The lothing; 'tis but resolving, and you gain the mighty legacies I
Leave you."

Eumolpus recounted these shameless inhumanities with so much
Confusion, that his parasites began to suspect him, and more nearly
Considering our words and actions, their jealousie encreas'd with
Their observation, and they believ'd us perfect cheats. Upon which
Those who had receiv't us most nobly, resolv'd to seize us, and lustly
Take their revenge; but Chrysis, privy to all stratagems, gave me
Notice of their designs; the frightful news so struck me, that I made
Off with Gito immediately, and left Eumolpus to the mercy of his
Enemies; and in a few days we heard the Crotonians raging, that that
Old rascal shou'd live so long at such a sumptuous rate on the publick
Charge, sacrific'd him the Massilian way. Whenever the Massilians
Were visited with a plague, some one of the poorest of the people, for
The sake of being well fed a whole year at the publick charge, wou'd
Offer himself a sacrifice to appease the gods: He after his year was
Up, drest in holy wreath and sacred garment, was led about the city
With invocations on the gods that all the sins of the nation might be
Punisht in him; and so was thrown from a precipice

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